Tradition Be Damned (Last Hope Book 1) Read online

  “You are what I want,” I whispered in his ear. “But are you sure? It could be something going on with these power surges.”

  He shook his head. “My wanting you is all the time. I woke knowing you needed me. But that’s not why I’m kissing you, craving you, needing you tonight.”

  We kissed again, me chasing and finally catching his pace. His hands travelled beneath my shirt, and he found my breasts, squeezing them. His hips bucked, bringing his cock to my core even through our clothes. I cried out, and he grinned.

  Garrett’s tongue found my own. This time when he pushed up with his hips, I pushed down. He moaned. Yes, I could make him feel like I did. His hands were everywhere. We were both still dressed, and the friction made me crazy. I wanted more. His grinding sped up, and so did mine. Garrett didn’t hold back.

  I felt him throb through the clothes and knew enough to know he was close. So was I. Instinct driving me forward, I pressed down on him, hard.

  “Annie,” he cried out, coming, and the sound alone brought me to completion too. We had both just come, still in our clothes. I smiled. That was really, really fun.

  A few minutes later, he kissed both my cheeks. “Don’t sleep. Not yet.”

  I followed him to the bathroom where he undressed me. I should have been embarrassed. It was the first time I’d been completely nude and in the light. Still, I could see why he thought we should be clean. He turned on the shower, and we both stepped under it. I still had the makeup on my body, or at least some of it, from the morning before the fight. As gently as I could imagine, he wiped me clean, and I worked on him.

  “Annie.” I loved that he’d picked up the nickname. “I don’t have all the same symbols you do. Why did they pick which ones? I can feel when your power is enacted during the battle from the symbols on the shield, but more your power calls to me on a primal level. It seems to me I should have all of them.”

  I shook my head, placing my forehead on his strong shoulder. “I don’t know. That’s not something they tell us. But I can try and find out on my own.”

  “Would you? I want to make sure I’m as strong as I can be for you.”

  I would. I had a few things I was going to be discussing with the Sisterhood. That was for sure. “I don’t know why I keep turning on in the middle of the night.”

  “It’s beautiful. Your powers are why I can have you. I won’t complain. Ever.”

  Five

  “Where are you from, Garrett?” I lay across from him. and he did that thing again where he made circles on my back.

  “Deadlands. Deep center. Nothing in the middle of nothing. Death and more nothing. My parents were performers who were banished there for speaking out against the nobility in their area. I was the only one born in the Deadlands. My brothers, all three of them, can remember living in the populace areas. My mother was a singer, my father a writer. But when I knew them, before they were dead and I was shuffled from brother to brother until I was old enough to come here, they were just … old and nearly dead. Actually, I don’t want to lie to you. They both got possessed.”

  I rolled over to stare up at him. “I am so sorry.”

  “They almost didn’t let me in here. Apparently I have a tendency toward possession.” He shrugged. “But I made it. And now I’m here.”

  “Not speaking to me in the carriage.”

  He smiled before he placed a kiss on my lips. “I was sure you could see right through me. You’d know I’d loved you from the moment we met, when you asked after my family. It was … unexpected. Those eyes pierced me. I didn’t care what you looked like under the hood. You were perfection.” He touched one of my few strands of hair.

  “I thought you hated me.”

  He groaned. “That kills me. Your eyes aren’t glowing. I think you could power down now, so to speak. You could sleep.”

  “Only if you do.”

  I could get used to the late night talks. I wanted to believe I could. That was the last thing I thought before I curled into him and did just as he instructed. I woke up to light in the room and the sound of Garrett breathing nearby. We hadn’t moved. I smiled and closed my eyes. Just a few more minutes and then I had things to do.

  The rules were clear. The guys could spend the night with me all I wanted, but they had to leave during the day and I couldn’t see them unless we had a job. The snow had stopped but not the cold. I walked into Sister Katrina’s office like the good Sister I wanted her to think me to be.

  She greeted me in her cool, indifferent fashion, and we both sat down. “Good work with the Incubus.”

  “Thank you.” I nodded and looked at my hands. “There is something I wish to speak to you about.”

  My aunt leaned back in her chair. “Go on.”

  “While I was recovering from killing the Incubus”—just to remind her—“I had a vision.” Lie. Lie. Lie. “I am needed in the Deadlands. Specifically in a mine there. In the north. The divinities wish me to go.”

  She was so silent I wasn’t sure she had heard me. “You must be joking.”

  “Of course, I would never suggest it. But it was suggested to me. By the Divinity, in a vison. A mine. Huge demons. They will be coming for us if I don’t stop them there. Of course, if you don’t want to send me, I understand. You are the Sister Superior. You know best.” Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. “I know the nobility will be coming soon. Perhaps you’d like me to wait until after they come. I’d be happy to speak to them about the Incubus and …”

  She waved her hand, silencing me. “Go. Make the arrangements. I am a servant of the Divinity. If you are to go, then you shall go.”

  “Wonderful.” I was glad to get what I wanted, but it begged the question, exactly how much did she not want me to speak to the nobility?

  We ate on my floor. Eating dinner with my guards was an entirely new thing, particularly because Milo seemed to like to feed me from his plate. Every time I stopped chewing, he’d offer his fork so I could taste whatever he was eating. To be fair, he’d selected different things than me from the buffet and wanted me to enjoy.

  He laughed a lot, and I was glad to see everyone relaxing, even Bryant, who usually carried the weight of all of us on his shoulders. Garrett bounced around. I’d never seen him so hyper. Mason looked at him, then me, and then winked at both of us. I wasn’t sure I’d followed his thinking, but it was clearly time to speak.

  Kieran scooted over to sit next to me, and I leaned on his shoulder. I spoke to all of them. “I went to Sister Katrina today, and I got permission to take a mission I wanted. I may have told her the Divinity told me to. It didn’t. But if that makes you uncomfortable and you want to leave, I’ll understand.”

  “Never going to happen.” Bryant leaned back against the foot of my biggest chair. “What are we doing?”

  “We’re going to the Deadlands. I want to go see a particular mine where it seems there are demons hurting people.”

  Mason sucked in his breath. “You … did what?”

  “You said your father was killed by demons in a mine. I want to stop that. So I used some of the collateral I’ve earned, and I lied to her,” I wasn’t even ashamed of that last part. “We can go. On the way, we can fix things in other parts of the Deadlands.”

  I expected them to be more excited. Utter silence met my declaration. I gave them a minute to digest and then spoke again. “This doesn’t seem like good news.”

  “The Deadlands is the worst. I don’t want to bring you there. Ever.” Bryant’s cheek muscles twitched again. He should never play gambling games. He had too many tells.

  “That’s why I have to go. I can help.” I looked down. “This was a mistake. It was unfair of me to assume you’d want to go back there. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” I stood. “But I have to go. I’m on this path; it feels right. If you want, you can stay here and wait for me. I’ll ask for volunteers, and I’ll …”

  Garrett pointed at the floor. “Sit. Annie.” I had to ge
t used to them ordering me around. I did what he said. He leaned forward. “You go nowhere without us. This is shocking. We have to get used to the idea. They don’t send help to the Deadlands. It doesn’t surprise me at all you would want to help. You have such a heart.”

  “We can make it happen.” Bryant nodded. “We’re … overwhelmed.”

  I understood. I got to my feet. “I should have discussed it with you first. I’m still adjusting, as we all are. I’ll give you guys some space.”

  I turned and walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Why had I thought they’d be thrilled? They all came from there. They’d taken on this huge guard role to change their lives. I was making them go back. I sunk into my bed. How was I supposed to do this?

  What was the matter with me? The door opened and closed, Kieran coming in. He took off his shoes and placed them in the corner. With a single move, he shut off the light and came over to the bed, climbing in next to me.

  “Hi.” He kissed my cheek. “Don’t be sad.”

  “I screwed up. I’m shocked you’d want to be anywhere near me tonight.” I let him pull me into his arms. He smelled like the coconut shrimp he’d been eating. “I’ll back out of this. I’ll tell her I can’t manage it.” Of course the whole lying about the Divinity …

  He shrugged. “You were trying to help. By morning, Bryant will have the details worked out, and he’ll feel better. He gets serious and upset with every assignment you’re given. Takes him some time to plan routes and think things through. Then he’s golden. The rest of us follow his lead. Mason is in shock. He’s never had anyone want to do something for him before, and Garrett is bouncing today. Milo is new. He’s figuring stuff out. It’s all okay.”

  I hoped he was right. Curled in the crook of his arm, I listened to the sounds outside. The guys were speaking in low voices. Outside my rooms, I could hear other Sisters walking around. It was too early to sleep.

  “Where are you from?”

  “I was born outside a prison. My mother was visiting my father. Eventually, I was dropped in one of those orphanages, not as nice as the one you put the baby in. Pretty sure the mistress at ours was possessed. Kids would vanish. I ran away and joined a travelling circus, of all things. Helped feed the animals and learned how to fight for food. When that gig ended in fire, I begged, borrowed, and stole. Then this man showed up looking for people to try out for this. I was shocked when I made it. Katrina grabbed my chin and told them to clean me up.”

  I could picture her doing that. He touched my scalp. “All the weeks away, your hair will grow in.”

  “We’ll have to hide it. The redhead problem.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’ll get to see it. And I don’t have a problem with redheads.”

  “What kinds of animals did you feed?” I’d never seen anything but the animals we kept to farm.

  Kieran grinned. “Elephants.”

  I sat up. “For real.”

  He kissed my cheek. “For real.”

  Kieran ended up dosing off while reading to me. He was mid-sentence when the book landed on his chest. I stared at his closed eyes. Apparently, my books on ritual sacrifices in the order of the Sisters of the Sun wasn’t as interesting to him as they were to me. I wasn’t tired. He looked comfortable, and I hated to move. Gently, I took the book from him and started reading it myself. We didn’t do ritual sacrifice anymore, so at some point I gave up looking at words that wouldn’t matter. I couldn’t kill anything unless it wanted to kill me first.

  What I needed to know was about the Deadlands. I opened the door to my room to find the guys all spread out, asleep. Milo had an arm over his eyes like he needed to block out the world, and Bryant slept with both arms over his head.

  Garrett took up most of the couch, one arm slung over the side, and Mason sprawled out on his stomach across the room. I snuck quietly out, closing the door behind me. Walking on quiet feet was somewhat easy for me after all the years I’d practiced trying to glide.

  The library was empty. Most of the time it was, except when Sister Marie was in there running it two days a week. The initiates used it for research, but I couldn’t think of another full-fledged Sister who spent any time in there anymore. Garrett had wanted to know about symbols, and I needed Deadlands information.

  It took me hours to find either, and by the time I was done, I’d managed to exhaust myself to the point of knowing I wouldn’t be able to read them. I quietly made my way back to my rooms. No one had moved. I was glad. The last thing I wanted was anyone wondering where I was.

  Except Kieran was awake, sitting up with the light on and a look on his face I could only think of as sheer annoyance. I’d always thought of him as having heated eyes. The look was back.

  “If I didn’t believe in my heart of hearts this place is secure, I would have woken all of them and sounded an alarm.”

  Fear. He wasn’t mad; he’d been afraid. I held up the books. “Library. I never expected to be gone so long. I’m so sorry.” I crossed to him, smoothing the hair out of his eyes. The streaks in his hair were so beautiful. I’d always wanted to touch them. “Forgive me.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, pressing his head into my chest. “The longer it went on, the more I started to believe you’d been taken away.”

  “By whom?” I ran my hands down his back, listening to his breathing.

  “The list started to get really long.”

  We stayed like that for a good long while. I threw the books onto the bed and didn’t otherwise move. Eventually, my powers shot to attention. I groaned. Another episode. At least I wasn’t going to wake him.

  He pulled back to look at me. “You okay?”

  “Happening every night.” I shook my head. “I’m not sure why. This didn’t used to be a thing. Well, when I was a teenager and the powers were turning on, sometimes this would happen. But now? No excuse.”

  Kieran shook his head. “Maybe it means something else. I … Can I kiss you?”

  “Yes.”

  He pulled me down onto the bed, coming over me. “Can I kiss you everywhere?”

  I wasn’t sure I understood. “Like where?”

  “Well, first things first.” Our lips met. He was gentler than I’d expected. His mouth was warm and soft. He was leisurely in his caresses, seemingly not in a hurry. After a while, when my head swam with happiness, he pulled back. “Shirt off.”

  I wondered if this was part of the kiss-you-everywhere part he’d mentioned. I pulled the shirt off, and his eyes wandered over me. “Part of me, Anne, can’t believe I get to do this with you. Like I’m going to wake up in my bunk, hard as a rock, aching for you, Bryant yelling at me to move it for training. Is that going to happen?”

  I grinned at him. “No. But I must tell you, I’ve never had sex. Not really. Touches of things here and there. But I’m clueless. I’ve never been kissed … everywhere.”

  His gaze softened. “My sweetheart. My Anne. We’ll work up to it. Tonight, I’m just going to show you what I mean when I say ‘kiss you everywhere.’”

  My mouth went dry. “Ah … okay.”

  His lips found my nipple, and he sucked. Fire spread through my loins. I’d touched my own breasts; the action had never done that to me. “Wow.”

  He raised his eyes to meet my gaze. “‘Wow’ works. I’ll take ‘oh yes’ and ‘more please’ too. Or any version of that.”

  I’d had no idea Kieran could be so funny or easygoing. He was so serious when we were out of the Sisterhood. His grin could light up a dark room. I’d never done this in the light before, other than moonbeams. It was easy to close my eyes in the darkness and let myself go. In the light, this kind of intimacy was different. I had to stay in the moment.

  Kieran squeezed my other breast before he moved down to kiss my belly. His hand stopped over the small curve there. I sighed. My breasts were too big. My stomach too round. Sisters were thin, regal, statuesque. I was short, round, and flawed. No one
would make a statue based on me.

  “Your face just fell, and you tensed.” Kieran pulled back a little. “Don’t like your belly kissed?”

  “I don’t like my belly much, kissed or otherwise.” And now that I was thinking about my breasts, I kind of wanted them covered. This was, I supposed, what could be considered killing the mood.

  He ran his hands over my stomach. “Why’s that?”

  “Too round. Too big. Too wrong.” I’d hated the showering during my time as an initiate. They’d all stared at me like I was a creature from another realm.”

  He leaned over and kissed my stomach again. “Forgive me. But I am going to have to disagree with you. I don’t know what the other Sisters look like. We never see them like this; even in intimacy the hood and robes stay mostly put.”

  His words were why I’d avoided this act for so long. I felt stifled even sitting in the hood. What would sex be like all covered?

  Kieran kept speaking. “Women are most beautiful when they’re simply happy with themselves. The truth is, where I’m from, a woman who has curves has enough food to be well fed. It means her family can take proper care of her. She’d be desirable to have around, even sought after for maybe the wrong reasons. She can be choosy.” He nuzzled between my breasts. “You’re sexy, and I had no idea how much. Under all those clothes? Now all I’m going to be able to think about is that when you’re under those robes, you’re hiding all this gorgeousness.”

  I blushed, my cheeks getting so hot I could only imagine how red they were. “You’re being very sweet.”

  “I’m not sweet.” He tugged my skirt down and discarded it. “Not sweet.”

  His mouth came down onto my most private part, and I gasped. Well, he had said he was going to kiss me everywhere. This was … unexpected. His tongue pressed on my clit, and I whispered his name. My temperature rose and my body shivered, conflicting responses and all of it so incredible right. Kieran ran hands his hands up my thighs, holding on while he moaned against me, his hips jerking into the bed.