Crashing Into Destiny Read online

  Like Sterling, he smelled like soap. Only the scent was different on him—darker, spicier. Different scents worked differently on other people.

  “Maybe I’m an idiot. I’m not used to women. I think I might be a little nervous around you. Don’t worry. I’ll think through my fear.”

  I laughed, covering my mouth, and he grinned like he’d won a prize. “Ah, there.” I pointed at the ceiling. Smallest hole. No one will see it if they’re not looking for it, and Judge is so busy. I can fix it.” I pulled my wrench out of my back pocket. With a press to the button on the side, the wrench elongated. We didn’t have this tech at home. Judge had loaned it to me. I hated to ever have to give it back. Between the slippers and the wrench, it was like my birthday. Even if I could only have them temporarily.

  “We’re lucky your console is so finicky. It likes its power streamed in a steady line. Something like oxygen support could have shut off, and we’d have been screwed.” Or the safety lines that kept the Zombies where they were. Although those systems had redundancy after redundancy. Judge would have noticed that problem. His focus seemed to be on security measures, and I appreciated that.

  I looked around. I didn’t have a ladder. But a chair would do. I grabbed one from the laundry room next door and dragged it into the hall.

  “Diana?” Cash questioned what I was doing with just my name stated.

  “Gotta get up there.” I climbed onto the chair and started twisting one of the electrode mechanisms to get it off. Our tech wasn’t that different at home than here. So much time had passed, but then again, they’d been nearly destroyed and had to come back from that. It would make a difference.

  “Don’t fall. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He gripped the side of my chair, holding it steady.

  “I won’t, but even if I did, you’d fix me up, right?”

  He didn’t answer instantly, but when he did it was with a low voice. “I would.”

  Chapter Seven

  Game Night

  I was pretty exhausted. I’d never anticipated I’d need to fix so many small things going wrong at the station. After Cash’s console, I worked on the heat in Lewis’ lab, which had for some reason started acting up; Damian’s device, which automatically closed the weapons closet, needed fixing; and I eventually ended up in Sterling’s room trying to make the water in his shower spray harder. I’d gotten them all done.

  Now, I sat across from the others while they chatted. Judge elbowed me gently. “You okay?”

  “I am.” The steak was delicious. I still didn’t know which one of them was responsible for killing the animals. Or how they stored food so it didn’t go bad. Those were things I had to learn.

  “You’re quiet.” He side-eyed me. “Something go wrong today?”

  “I talked more today—a lot more than I’m used to. I think I need to be quiet for a bit.”

  Under the table his foot met mine. “Of course. I’ll leave you be. Just promise to tell me if something goes wrong. Okay?”

  “Um, okay.” I wasn’t used to so much attention, and they were all staring at me now. “I’m okay.”

  “Something wrong?” Lewis sat forward. “You can tell us.”

  “She doesn’t talk this much usually, and she needs to be quiet.” Judge responded for me. “Let’s give her a break.”

  Damian motioned with his fork. “You were the one who brought it up. I noticed she was quiet, and I left her alone.”

  “Congratulations on being so smart, Damian. Would you like a medal?” Cash responded, and Sterling dropped his knife, loudly.

  They were fighting. I looked between them. Why were they fighting? All I had done was not want to talk during dinner. My uncles and my father never fought. Sometimes they debated, but it always ended with my mother’s opinion and everyone doing what she wanted, even if they grumbled about it. Years earlier there had been times they’d disagreed and taken matters into their own hands. But not lately. I didn’t know what to do when people fought.

  My tongue itched. When people fought, everything went sideways. Stability disappeared. Things erupted. Chaos. No. I pulled it back. I wasn’t in the middle of an ice planet with no protection and drones above my head. I was at a dinner. They were arguing. That was it.

  “Stop,” I managed to spit out. They all silenced immediately. “Don’t fight. Please.”

  Judge’s foot, still touching mine, pressed harder. “We fight sometimes. Bicker. Don’t worry. We’ve all been together a long time. It’s normal.”

  “I don’t like it.” I was done eating. “I’m sorry. I think I need to go now. I must be tired. It’s very rude to eat and run. I know. Only …”

  Damian reached across the table to grab my hand. “Don’t go yet. We’ll behave. I swear we can. It’ll be fun. Game night. We do it every Thursday if not more often. Nice routine. You’ll love it.”

  I breathed through my nose. Judge’s foot. Damian’s hand. All of their eyes pleading with me. “Okay.”

  Cash grinned first, and the rest of them followed. Game night might be just what was needed. Fun and games. No more fighting. We ended up cleaning up dinner together, which gave me the chance to see how they saved their food—freeze dried. I washed the dishes.

  “When should I cook?”

  Lewis knocked his shoulder into mine gently. “You don’t have to.”

  “I’m not great but functional. I’d like to contribute.”

  He shook his head. “You totally are.”

  “How so? I’m not pulling nearly my weight here. You’re using your supplies to feed me. You’ve given me clothes and safety.” I grimaced when I said the word. Damian’s looming threat of sending me away never left me. I wondered if I could manage to fix Artemis at night so I could hurry the process along. “I can cook.”

  “Damian does all the cooking. He likes it. Calls it soothing.”

  Judge came up behind me, tugging me into his arms, which made Lewis frown. “You give us something beautiful to look at, and you fix our stuff. I can’t believe how many things broke today.”

  My cheeks heated. The fixing I would take a nod for. “If I am beautiful, and I’ve never thought I am, I’m too small, my hair hangs limp on my shoulders, and I’m not well endowed.” Judge let me go. I think he would have interrupted, but I didn’t care. “Let’s say I’m wrong. I’m beautiful. Who cares? It matters so little to who I am. Tell me I’m smart, helpful, interesting, worthwhile. Tell me I made your day better somehow. Tell me just about anything else. Beauty is a commodity. If I’m beautiful, then I’ll be worth more to your corporation when Damian sends me to them.”

  Judge leaned forward. “You’re all those things. I can tell, and I’ve only known you such a little time. You’re also beautiful.”

  I pointed my finger at him. “You’re going to make me mad if you keep that up.”

  “What happens when I make you mad?”

  I shrugged. “I get over it, and I move on. I have six brothers and sisters. I’m not interested in holding on to anger. But I wouldn’t push it because my father makes bombs and weapons. We know how to explode in my family.”

  My throat ached, and I stormed from the kitchen into the game room. Damian was spreading out cards on a table. Every card had a symbol. I didn’t recognize the game. I knew poker and black jack. And a game called holler that they played on the casino in the station. I didn’t know this.

  “Everything okay?” Damian looked up.

  “I just yelled at Judge.” And felt a little shaky for having done so.

  Damian raised a dark eyebrow, one side of his mouth going crooked in a smile. “I thought you didn’t yell.”

  “He pushed a button.”

  “Oh yeah?” He sat back in his chair. “What is the button? I won’t push it.”

  Judge and Cash entered the room, and Judge answered for me. “I keep telling her she’s beautiful.”

  Cash finished, “She doesn’t like it.”

  “I see.” Damian stretched his arms ov
er his head. “Sterling and Lewis will be here any second. Do you know how to play Puff?”

  I shook my head. I appreciated Damian dropping the subject. I already sort of thought he wasn’t attracted to me even if he thought I was pretty. We’d been very close when we woke up and he hadn’t seemed interested at all. Sheesh. What was wrong with me?

  Judge took the seat next to me on the left. I was right across from Damian, and Cash sat to my right. Sterling and Lewis entered together and took the remaining seats.

  “Tomorrow”—Cash cleared his throat—“everyone should go see Lewis and get their levels checked. Some of you are a due for a trip into the US.”

  The sex machine. I tried to stay cool. Nods around the table were the only response he got to his announcement. This must be a regular thing.

  Judge pointed to me. “Diana asked me if the machine works for women, too. I didn’t know. Meant to look that up.”

  Lewis and Cash made eye contact before Cash answered. They had such a secret code, where they didn’t speak and I couldn’t follow. “Yes. It’ll work. There’s never really a reason to. You’re kind of a unique case. Women are never not able to get what they need.”

  “That’s not true where I’m from. Not exactly.”

  Lewis raised his eyebrows. “You’ve mentioned it before. Feel up for telling us?”

  “Are we having a talk fest or playing cards?” Damian held up three. “Diana, what you do is hold three cards together. If you think you’ve got a match …”

  He kept talking, and I watched his mouth move. I’d never been so keenly aware of people in the room. Every move any of them made moved through me like I might explode from it. And why had Damian cut me off? I was grateful for it. Sitting still and being silent worked for me.

  Damian nodded. “Got it?”

  Not even a little bit. I shook my head, and he grinned. “You’ll catch on.”

  As the game moved on, it became clear I really wasn’t going to. Usually I was good at this kind of thing, but I was exhausted and things that should make sense were not. I rubbed my eyes. When I spoke, my voice croaked a little bit. “I’ve got to go to bed, I think.”

  “Really?” Damian raised his eyebrows. “This is round three.”

  “I’m just exhausted.” Achingly so.

  “Do you think you’ll be able to sleep?”

  Cash cut in. “Did you not sleep last night?”

  “She was scared by the wind. I stayed with her. She did eventually knock out for a while.”

  The others stared at him silently. They were definitely communicating again. Judge threw down his cards. “In her bed. He slept in her bed.”

  Damian held up his hands in defeat. “Totally platonic. Put down your pistols.”

  Sterling took my hand. “Come on. You’re tired. I’ll walk you back.”

  I went with him. His hand was huge in mine. I didn’t know any of them well yet, but he seemed quiet for Sterling. He laughed a lot, kept up with conversations, and smiled frequently. His eyes were different, withdrawn.

  “Have you ever gotten so used to doing something that you do it just because you always did?” He scratched his chin with his free hand. His long blond hair fell to his shoulders. It looked so soft. I wanted to touch it. To do so passed some sort of boundary for me. I wasn’t ready to stroke someone’s hair, and I had no idea if Sterling would even like that.

  I kind of understood what he meant. “Yes, actually. I used to attend meetings with my family because I always had. We’d go someplace, all together. I have no idea why I did that after a time. When I was little, they had to bring me to keep me safe. Later? Why did I bother? I don’t know.”

  His eyes widened. “Yes. Like that. And then maybe something changes, and it makes you question why you keep doing it. But then you think maybe the original reasons were important ones.”

  “Sterling.” I was really done for the night. “I don’t follow hypothetical questions that aren’t math related. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.”

  He grinned at me. “You’re so awesome. You don’t lie much do you?”

  I was lying to them every second I didn’t tell them I intended to run. “I try not to. Sometimes it’s necessary. Why lie when the truth would do?”

  We reached Artemis and Sterling stared up at her. “When we busted open the hatch, I didn’t think it would be you I’d be finding in there.”

  “Who were you expecting?” I remembered they said something about rival corporations.

  He grinned. “Bunch of guys stealing our stuff.”

  “You ran in without worrying they would hurt you?”

  “Honey.” He touched the side of Artemis almost reverently. “No one hurts me.”

  Now that, I couldn’t believe. He was big—of that there was no doubt. Apparently he’d also been made in an Evander laboratory. The man in front of me was flesh and bones. He could be hurt. It might be hard, yet I had no doubt it could happen.

  I squeezed his fingers. “Be careful with yourself anyway.”

  I didn’t see his kiss coming. One second he towered over me, the next he hauled me up, back against Artemis, his mouth meeting mine. I gasped against his mouth, and then I quit thinking. I had never been kissed before, by choice more than anything else. I hadn’t wanted people near me. But I wanted Sterling.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and decided I didn’t care that this was all new. His lips were firm and soft. He didn’t push too hard, just tasted and let me kiss him back. My body came alive, every nerve ending in my body—some I didn’t even know I had—and I wanted him. He backed off for a second and then kissed me again. I closed my eyes, letting Sterling become my whole universe.

  He pushed my bangs off my forehead and cut off our kiss to stare me in the eyes. “I knew when I saw you I was getting a gift beyond measure. I know we have to know each other better. I’m so glad you’re here, darling. You came from the other side of the galaxy and landed here with us.”

  I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to talk. I took the initiative—very un-me—and I kissed him again. He closed his eyes and let me push against him. I’d never had sex. That didn’t mean I didn’t know how. I did. The logistics of it I understood.

  Yet after a few minutes of kissing him and really getting into it, I hadn’t gotten anywhere with him. I had my legs wrapped around him, and he wasn’t hard. Not even a little bit.

  He finally stopped kissing me, and when I looked at him, his eyebrows were sloped downwards. I’d grabbed the back of his hair, and it was as soft as I’d thought. Gently, I ran my fingers through his hair. Shouldn’t he be at least a little into this by now? Was I rushing things? Going too far?

  “Are you okay?”

  He pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m not sure.”

  “What’s wrong? Am I pushing you?” I’d never done any of this before, and I might be breaking some kind of rule. It would be so Diana Mallory to blow turning on a man. Paloma used to be able to do it just by winking at them. I’d ground myself into Sterling, and nothing had happened.

  His eyebrows shot up. He had such a long, strong face. Since I was touching him, I kept doing so, my finger stroking the slope of his nose. He shuddered in my embrace.

  “There’s something wrong.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t even sure what to say. Humiliation burned, and the wind sounded louder than I’d heard it yet. “I’m sorry.”

  Of course there was something wrong. There always was when it came to me.

  He sucked in his breath. “Don’t be sorry. Um, I’m going to set you down.”

  “Okay. That’s probably best.” And then I would run away and sleep until I didn’t remember I’d done this. He set me on my feet. I straightened my shirt. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t throw myself at any of them. I wanted all five of them, and I didn’t get the impression they were okay anymore on this side of the hole with the whole multiple husband concept. I needed to get myself under control. I was going to ask Cas
h or Lewis to put me in the machine. They’d make it all go back to normal for me.

  I wasn’t going to get through the next months until I could leave if I didn’t.

  “Thanks, Sterling. Goodnight.” The wind howled, and I shivered.

  He grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why …”

  “It’s me. I get it. I pressed you for something you didn’t want, and you’re being nice about it. Trust me; it won’t happen again. You were sweet, and I went too far.”

  “No.” He grabbed my arms and picked me up again. Sterling was so big, and I was so tiny next to him. Still, he didn’t scare me. His hands were gentle. “This is me. I want you. Are you kidding? I dream about you. But something is wrong with me. It’s not you. I have to go talk to the doctors. I’m … defunct. This isn’t you. Don’t think that.”

  Oh. I had completely misread this situation. “It’s not me?”

  He hugged me really tightly. “Don’t ever think it’s you.”

  “Okay. Can I help you? Are you in pain?”

  He closed his eyes and rubbed his nose in my hair. “I’m numb. I can’t explain it.”

  I let him walk me inside into the bedroom. Tiredness weighed on me. I’d even put up with the wind to close my eyes. I needed release—for the first time in my life—and I wasn’t going to get any. Sleep had to help. I might have face-planted on the bed. I don’t know. When I woke up, I was still in my clothes with my shoes off and a warm Sterling half covering my body with his own. He didn’t snore but breathed gently in my ear. His hand was on my ass, his legs entwined with my own. We were both sleeping on our stomachs. He was also fully dressed without his shoes.

  The light on Artemis showed it was morning. I moved slightly, and Sterling’s fingers massaged my rear end. I blushed, my face getting really hot. Why had I behaved so badly last night? I’d totally lost my head. And what did he mean he was numb? Did he mean his penis area …?