Lost Star Read online

  6 Aftermath

  Breakfast was bland tasting, but I was too hungry to complain. Did they eat like this all the time? Trenton came into the room, rubbing his eyes just as I’d finished. He looked around at all of us at the table.

  With a yawn, he laughed. “I never see you guys eating in here in the morning. What is the occasion?”

  “I think it’s my fault.” I sipped the water in my glass. “I was really hungry.”

  “You’re entitled to be. These guys don’t eat or sleep much, so I was shocked.” He poured himself coffee. I’d never had any, but loved the smell. What was really amazing was the machine had turned on without him being in the room and started brewing. He must have pushed a button from his tablet to get it to do that.

  Anders shrugged. “I really like food. It was something readily available as more than just a substance plan. We got our required calories and nutrition in one dose and that was that. But I’ve come to see what you like about it, and I understand why you complain so readily about how we have to eat on this ship.”

  “Not how.” Trenton slid in next to Blaze. “What we have to eat. I wouldn’t mind so much if we could make more regular stops.”

  “Sure.” Blaze tilted his head. “And let’s just let Evander know exactly where we are at all times, too. Maybe we should make them a sign.”

  Trenton held up his hands. “I know. This is an old argument. We’ve had it many times. You’re the boss, and I acknowledge you understand this battle better than me.”

  I looked between them. “When was the last time you saw Evander?”

  Anders took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together. The same warmth I’d woken up with flooded me again. No one at the table indicated they knew at all. I could almost sigh in relief. Perhaps there were some things they didn’t know just by having keener senses.

  “We saw Evander three days before you woke up. But we managed to get away from them. Right now, we’ve been hiding more than engaging with them. However, I would guess that’s going to stop. The weapons are sufficiently upgraded now that we think we could have a chance in this game we’re playing with them.”

  Blaze nodded. “The next time we see them, they’re ours.”

  I shivered. “Maybe you won’t see them again.”

  “They have to be destroyed,” Kellan said as he entered. “They can’t be left to regroup, reform, or bother this side of the galaxy anymore. It’s too late to push them through the black hole and shut the door, because Melissa and her motley crew at Mars Station closed that option down. So we have to kill them. Yes, for you, Sienna, but also because we just have to kill them. Period. For the sake of everyone.”

  “Not necessarily.” Wade leaned in the doorway. Some of the dark circles under his eyes had faded. He must have slept. “Last I heard, and I don’t have details, the Chens are rehabbing Evander Super Soldiers on Earth to live pretty good lives. They have that whole Chen Empire-Z Warrior thing they do. I saw it firsthand when I lived there during the war. It’s serious stuff. I don’t have details, but Amber told me a Super Soldier saved her husband’s life by hearing a heart condition.”

  Anders tilted his head. “Which husband?”

  “Shane.” Wade poured himself coffee. “You doing okay, Sienna?”

  I nodded at him. “I slept really well and,” I looked down at my arm, “I’m still at one.”

  “Good deal.” He scooted in next to Trenton. “Any issues with the device bothering your arm?”

  Anders shook his head. “I was with Shane a lot. I never heard a heart condition. Who do they have there with better hearing than me?”

  “We compete to see which one of us is the most Super of all the Soldiers. It’s an ego thing,” Kellan leaned forward. “Do it again.”

  Took me a second to realize of what he was speaking. “I am not going to zap you. If you act like a jerk again, I’ll figure out something else, but it won’t be the zapping.” No, I’d hold that entirely for people like Devil and anyone else who threatened my life. “I shouldn’t have done that to begin with. I apologized, and I will again.”

  He scrunched up his face. “What am I supposed to do with your apology? I want to be zapped so I can learn how to do it.”

  “You can’t learn how to do it. It’s just something that women born on our planet are able to do, to certain degrees, sometimes.”

  Wade leaned forward. “That’s fascinating. Why is that?”

  “None of us are scientists. We’re too busy trying to survive. It’s just accepted and, before my uncle sold me out, protected knowledge.”

  Blaze took a bite of his rehydrated food and pushed it away. “What else can you do? It’s not just zapping, right? This is an awful lot of trouble for them to want to know how to do just that. Particularly if others on the planet can…”

  The tablet in front of Anders beeped, and he picked it up. “Incoming.”

  All of them jumped. The ease of the eating changed immediately to a tension I’d not felt from any of them, not even when I’d zapped Kellan the day before. Anders passed the tablet to Trenton, who took it, passing his finger over it several times.

  “Two ships. One under attack from another.” His eyes flashed with anger. “One of them is a fucking old Sandler ship, and the other one is a transport vessel of some kind with identification from a smaller Dark Planet.” He lifted his angry eyes and met Blaze’s gaze. “Well?”

  A muscle ticked in Blaze’s jaw. “I’d say no, if I didn’t know what it means to you.”

  I was missing something here, but that wasn’t pressing at the moment. Blaze rose so fast, the chair he’d been in flew backward. “Do it. We’re going after them.”

  Anders was the first out the door, followed by Trenton and Corbin. Then Kellan, with a nod at Blaze, ran after them. Wade grabbed Blaze’s arm. “This doesn’t fix that for him. Nothing we do to however many renegade Sandler Cartel pieces of shit that are running around fix this for him. I thought your objective wasn’t to expose us.”

  “I told you. No more running. That means Trenton gets his turn. They’re his Evander.”

  Wade shook his head. “I don’t know that you should be indulging this.”

  “People need us. They’re under attack, and if we’re really the good guys, then I want to act like it. Otherwise, what is the point of any of it?” He spoke through gritted teeth. “And last I checked, you answered to me and not the other fucking way around.”

  He stormed out of the room. Wade slammed his hand down on the table before he followed them. All of them leaving me there in the room. The ship bayed left, and I grabbed on to the table. Okay. This sucked. What did I understand? Well…we were firing at a Sandler Cartel ship that was attacking people. At least, I assumed we were saving the other ship.

  I knew who the Sandler Cartel was. Sandler Space had been terraformed at the same time as the Dark Planets, but had developed more resources. It had to do with the fake suns and the money that had been spent on theirs versus ours. But I didn’t need to think about that right now. It was old politics that no one wanted to hear about since nothing could be changed.

  I had to know what was going on. Grabbing on to the wall, I ran out to see. I might not know how to do anything on this ship or help in any way, but dang it, I was going to at least know what I was about to get into. Unable to use buttons or knobs was one thing, but I’d always had the best sense of direction of anyone I knew.

  I went to the control room, expecting to find it filled with chaos. But instead, the reality was that it was silent. Trenton pressed buttons fast while Anders did the same thing next to him. Blaze stood back and watched, not saying anything.

  Where the others were, I didn’t have a clue. Blaze put out his hand to me, and I took it because I didn’t know what else to do.

  “We’re fighting with Sandler Cartel.” I kept my voice down, not that it would make much of a difference.

  He nodded, and then shook his head. “Sandler Cartel is gone. Ended with a gunshot
to the head. Garrison Sandler himself got taken out. I’ve only heard about it because I was technically just coming out of cryo and betraying Evander at the time. But Waverly Sandler, his daughter, killed her father. It was, from what I understand, rather an impressive feat. In any case, that’s over. But what is left is a bunch of assholes with ships and the need to harm others. They’re basically pirates.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. I knew what those people were. We all suffered because of them. “And you’re stopping them.”

  He nodded. “Yes. But this is personal for Trenton. Sandler Cartel killed his wife before the war. Trenton was on a rampage against them before there was any war. He didn’t get to kill Garrison, so he wants to kill what’s left of the cartel.”

  He’d had a wife? And she died? My heart clenched. Oh, that was terrible. Trenton with the long, mismatched hair who had made me French toast was in mourning. My mental walls threatened to collapse, but I held them up. Right now was not the time for that.

  Anders hit a button and smiled at Trenton. “All yours.”

  “Got him.” He rocked back on his feet. I expected to see him smile, but he didn’t. “They’re dead in the sky. Life support is failing. It’ll be over in seconds.”

  Blaze nodded. “Good. Let’s go help the other ship.”

  Trenton didn’t turn around. Truth was, I didn’t know the man well, had never met his wife. But right then, if I allowed it, I could feel like I did. That wasn’t going to help anyone right now. Still, my heart bled for him.

  He hung his head before he turned and left the room.

  “Come on.” Anders motioned at me. “I think it’s safe on the other ship. They need some help. If there’s a woman on board, it’ll go better if you are there.”

  I swallowed. “If you think that would be of use.”

  “It would,” Blaze answered. “But she’s not going near strangers until we’re one hundred percent sure this isn’t a set up. She can wait and greet them if they come onto our ship. Otherwise, Sienna is on Artemis until we get to the Farm.” With that pronouncement, he strode out.

  Anders touched my arm. “Come with me.”

  With no other choice, I followed. “Is Trenton going to be okay?”

  “No, I don’t think he will. I mean, short of something remarkable happening to him, something he says he never wants, like falling in love with someone else, I can’t see that he’ll ever be okay. He’s lived for revenge. The object of his anger is gone. What’s left is not quite the same for him.”

  That seemed like a lot. “Maybe he needs some time to process. Has he ever done that?”

  “Taken time? I don’t even know what that is. It’s all very foreign to me. I’ve never been angry at anyone I’ve killed. I’ve never felt one way or another about it. Never known anyone personally enough to care about the action I was being sent to do. For that matter, I’ve never had anyone die that I cared about either.”

  Now that I didn’t believe. “Corbin called you his brother last night. I think you guys care.”

  “I wasn’t listening when he said that. Believe it or not, I try to stay out of private conversations. Easier that way. But I do feel for Corbin and the others here as much as I possibly could for anyone, which is why, I suppose, it’s really good that they aren’t dead.”

  We stopped at a window, and he pointed at it. “That’s the shuttle leaving Artemis to go to that ship. See the red flames on the inside? That’s some kind of fire. I’m not worried about that.”

  “You’re not?” I’d never seen anything like this before. Goosebumps broke out on my arms. There really was a ship flying to another ship. “Wouldn’t fire be very bad?”

  “Sure, if Kellan wasn’t so good at putting them out. It’s his specialty. He blows things up and puts out the flames as though he was born to do so.” Anders side eyed me. “Which of course, he was.”

  He was testing me. I turned to stare at him. “Did you say that so you could see how I’d react to it?”

  “I don’t know, truthfully.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Sometimes, I don’t know why I do the things I do.”

  That was troubling for him and quite a bit to handle for me. I let my wall down slightly. He really was confused. It slammed into me. This was part of the unusual aspect of my life that I hated. Why did I have to sometimes feel what others felt? What if I didn’t want to know? Didn’t want to help them?

  Wishing things were different changed nothing. I put my hand out on his arm. It would soothe him, whether he knew it or not. That was why I’d spent years in the temple, to learn how to do just this. “I think you were more thrown by Trenton than you realized.”

  He nodded. “Large displays of pain are hard for me. I want to run away from them like they’re a wound.”

  “You want to run away, or you want to figure out how to fix what can’t be fixed?”

  His lips twitched. “Maybe both. How have you all lived with so many emotions all the time? How did you get through childhood? I never had to feel anything. In fact, the need to do so was beaten out of me. All of us. At an early age, and I’ve found things very difficult since we left Evander.”

  The ship we watched docked with the ship on fire. It was fascinating to witness, although I doubted I’d see anything else now except the shuttle and the new ship locked together. Did I dare ask Anders the question floating in my head?

  “Why did you do it? Decide to leave Evander?”

  He was so quiet. Had I crossed a line? He wasn’t the only one who didn’t always understand social norms. Were there even such things anymore?

  “I almost didn’t.” He leaned against the wall. “I’ve never said that before. I almost didn’t. We woke up to this woman talking in our ears. Telling us things that seemed impossible. It was Waverly Sandler. The one who killed her father.”

  She sounded like an amazing woman. Waking up Super Soldiers. Taking on and killing her father. I’d never done anything except be made sick and have to be carted around to avoid getting captured. “She’s…busy.”

  “Married to two Super Soldiers and two normal guys. Fearless, I think.” Anders spoke with such respect in his voice. I’d never be that—fearless. What was that anyway? How did someone fear nothing? A pang of pain pinched my stomach. I was terribly ordinary. The things I could do? They weren’t really mine to own. I’d been born with them. Like my blonde hair and blue eyes. Meaningless when it came down to it.

  I had to answer him. What were we talking about? Oh, that woman named Waverly. “Yes. Sounds that way. Fearless.”

  “Anyway, Blaze jumped right off. He was listening to her. Going to rebel. He was in charge of the whole ship. Hundreds of us. Told us that anyone who stayed with him was leaving Evander and everyone had minutes to get off the ship if they were deserting.”

  That sounded intense, and it was hard for me to reconcile the two Blazes. There was the one who gave orders, yelled at Wade, started a rebellion, and the one who held me in bed and snuggled. What did it mean that thoughts of both versions of him made me warm inside? That achy feeling he and Corbin gave me. Heck, Anders made me want to whack a woman named Waverly in the arm for being so brave, even though I’d never met her, because he spoke with such fondness about her.

  I really was such a flawed individual. When they were teaching people language, they could hold me up in front of children and say here is a physical example of flawed.

  “I almost got on the shuttle to leave. A fight broke out. Some of the ones evacuating the ship went at him. I was going. Not to fight Blaze, but because I wasn’t exactly ready to leave Evander. I’d just woken up from cryo. I felt like shit. And like it or not, the only home I’d ever had was provided by them.” His gaze was distant. “But they attacked Blaze. Whatever else he is and isn’t, he’s my friend. He leads us. Always has. He was going. I went with him. Make no mistake, I had no great resolve.”

  Something pinged, and he pulled out his tablet. “They’re already on their way
back. Wade with the people. Corbin with them. Kellan stayed behind to repair what he can of the ship. They’re coming back, and Corbin says they have a mother and daughter among the injured. So my earlier statement stands. It would help to have you.”

  I nodded. “Whatever I can do. Hey…Anders, at the end of the day, you went with Blaze, you picked the right side, as far as I’m concerned. Who cares if you faltered for a minute when you were tired and grumpy? They were attacking Blaze. You didn’t like that.”

  “I care. I care that I faltered. I’m always steady. Always on. And I killed those guys after Blaze. None of them live anymore.” He tilted his head. “I wasn’t even angry. Just done. I feel better having talked to you. Clearer. Why is that?”

  I could explain it, but I wasn’t going to. Not now. They already knew I could zap people and were bringing me to people who would take over my care. The fewer times I had to expose the secrets of the temple the better. My uncle might have had no conscience about giving away secrets, but I did. Wade had told them he could hear me in his head, and I’d confessed to that, too.

  “Not going to tell me?” He quirked his lips. “I just spilled to you.”

  I sighed. “Believe it or not, I’m trying to figure out who to burden with this. Whoever takes me on is going to get a lot. I’m not brave like your Waverly.”

  He scrunched up his face. “She’s absolutely not my Waverly.”

  I kept going. “It’s a secret. Maybe it isn’t anymore. I don’t know. Maybe everyone knows, but I was raised to keep it secret, and it’s going to be hard for me to just start talking about it. I have to keep it for whoever is going to be the one ultimately helping me.”

  His face fell. “And you don’t think that’s going to be me?”

  “You’re dropping me off.”

  He blinked rapidly. “I hadn’t thought about it.”

  “Well, there it is. I’m not sure I should go ahead and tell this very sacred, at least to me, thing to people who won’t be in my life very long.” I squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry if you feel like you’re sharing and I’m not.”