Unexpected Read online

  Banyan sighed. “I fixate sometimes, and I think you have beautiful hands. I like how they look when they’re with mine.” He joined them, pressing them against my stomach. “I like how the olive in my skin looks against the pale in yours. I like how they’re smaller than mine.” He ran his thumb across my palm. “I like how you have the slightest indentation on your forefinger. I like them.”

  Tingles ran through my body. “I like listening to you talk. I like the way you see the world. I like how your hair sometimes falls in your eyes. I like the quirk of your smile and the shape of your arm muscles. I like your heart.”

  Maybe I shouldn’t have said that last bit but he didn’t flinch or pause. “I like your heart, too. I’m so happy Maven stopped you on the street and I showed up in time. If I’d paused too long at a stop sign, I’d have missed this.”

  “Maybe not. Maybe you would have met me that night of the fire.”

  Thinking about it brought the sirens outside back to the forefront. Banyan shifted slightly. “Nah, by then you’d have that memory with Chance and Maven. I’d be on the outside. As it is, I get to share it. Don’t worry about that out there. You’re safe here with me. If something happens, we get out together.”

  “I don’t ever want to run down the stairs to escape fire again.”

  He pressed his forehead against the back of my head. “Once in a lifetime is enough for that, I think. So, when we wake up in the morning, there’s going to be a disgruntled text from Maven. I can guarantee it.”

  He was trying to distract me, and I was going to let him. “Why?”

  “He wants to help with this situation. Fraternities do a lot of community service, even when we aren’t on probation for underwear ridiculousness. Maven took on the presidency, not because he had dreams of running the best partying frat in the world, but because he thought maybe he could make things better while he was here.” He kissed the back of my neck, and I shivered. I loved how affectionate Banyan was. “He’s secretly a do-gooder. Now me? I joined to party my four years away and not think about anything serious.”

  I frowned. “You and I both know that’s not who you are.”

  “Well,” he sighed, “don’t tell anyone about that, either.”

  “So why will he send the disgruntled text?” We still hadn’t gotten to that part.

  “There is no way the deans are going to let the fraternities help catch whoever this is. Can you imagine the liability? He isn’t thinking. They’re going to get slammed down. And he’s going to be pissed.”

  I turned, rolling over to face him. I was still dressed in my clothes. To go to bed I was going to have to get changed. He was fully dressed too. Neither of us could stay like this all night. “Should we go help him?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. I’m sure he’s behind closed doors with the other fraternity presidents. Chance has the pledges to keep safe. We’re right where we should be.”

  I suddenly didn’t care at all that I was still fully dressed or that Banyan was. I cuddled up closer to him and closed my eyes. He was warm and he was, for now anyway, mine.

  “Can I ask a question?”

  If he had to ask, it wasn’t going to be a great question. “Sure.”

  “What did you and Chance have to talk about this morning? You can tell me to mind my own business, but it seemed serious, and I’ve been wondering all day.”

  I opened my lids. I reached out to touch the side of his face. I loved the slight bite of his whiskers on the pads of my fingers. “He said some things to me when he was drunk. Concerns about how we could have a future. Things he wondered about. But sober, he explained to me that he doesn’t really care about the future that way. That we have right now and he doesn’t see himself ever getting married anyway.”

  Banyan snorted which was so surprising to me I laughed. He shook his head. “Boy is so full of shit. He might even think that. But, no, Chance wants to get married. He and I share that problem.”

  “Is marriage a problem? My parents’ is for sure. But the whole institution?” I was really curious. I’d never stopped to consider marriage. It just seemed to be what most people in cultures around the world did.

  He kissed my palm. “My folks, as you know, were never married. My mother was my father’s dirty little secret he kept on the side while he stayed married to his wife. That works great until she gets knocked up. And there I was. I wanted my parents to be married so badly when I was younger I couldn’t sleep sometimes for wishing for it. If for no other reason than I thought it would make my mother happy. She might be like the other moms then. Oh, don’t get me wrong. The mothers I knew were not Super Mom any of them nor should they have to be. But all of them seemed to give a shit that their kid existed outside of using him as a torture device against their ex.”

  That sounded awful. My parents were disinterested, but I’d never been a pawn. “Your dad just let her do those things to you?”

  “He would threaten to take me. I don’t think he saw it as a threat. He wanted me. That’s what he says anyway. But then his wife would put down her foot. One time when I was staying there, she said she wouldn’t go another night with the bastard in the house. Took me a long time to realize she wasn’t calling me an asshole. My brothers and sisters hated me, too. Eventually it got to where I didn’t want to be there. I just wanted something that was mine. Some place I was truly wanted. That’s why I hope someday to have some ridiculous concept of love as my own. Chance wants that, as well. I know he does. Because he says shit like that when he lets his guard down. His mother loved him to pieces. Stayed in abuse for that reason, she wouldn’t leave her sons. I don’t know.” He rubbed his eyes. “I’m confessing tonight, I guess.”

  I kissed his lips. “We don’t have to figure out the world tonight.

  “No. We don’t. Besides, I don’t want anything else but this. So why drag the crappy past into this bedroom tonight?”

  He was right. Still, I had to add. “I like knowing things about you. I feel close to you, but the reality is that we haven’t known each other that long. It would be safe to say we’re still learning things. Anything you want to tell me, whenever you want to tell me, I want to know.”

  Banyan kissed me, gently. He didn’t push for more, just light caresses, our mouths moving together until finally, he stopped. “We should sleep.”

  I pressed my head against his chest. I wouldn’t listen to the sirens. Just the sound of his heart beating. I wanted someone that was mine, too. A whole family of people who wouldn’t care one bit if I could do my math homework or not. They would just be happy I was there, even if I was quiet.

  Maybe that was too much to ask. Maybe you had to produce something worthwhile to be worthy of that kind of love. I’d have to figure out what I contributed. It was easier said than done not hearing the fire trucks, but eventually Banyan’s breathing changed. He didn’t so much as snore as he breathed very deeply. It was a sound I was used to, and I closed my eyes. If I couldn’t sleep, I’d just listen, feel his warmth, and know I wasn’t alone.

  This man saw us better than we did ourselves and sketched my hands like they were special enough to warrant that kind of attention. Tears threatened, but I pushed them down. I wasn’t good at this pretending that I didn’t care there was an end date thing.

  I wasn’t good at it at all.

  I must have slept because I woke up all of a sudden, my heart racing. There was no light in the room, which meant there hadn’t been that much time passing. Banyan still breathed like he was in deep sleep, but tremors traveled up my spine. I turned quickly to look around the room and then quit breathing for a second.

  Molly stood over the bed. She stared down at us. It was really weird. I sat up fast. “Molly?”

  She held her hands out in front of her. “Sorry to wake you. I was just shocked to see you had someone in here. Guess I shouldn’t have been, considering the other night. So you’re dating Banyan?”

  I felt his body jerk awake at the sound of her voice. He le
aned back on his elbows which jostled me slightly. When he addressed Molly, it was with a tone I hoped he never used on me. I couldn’t decide if it was amusement or disdain. Maybe both. “Hey, roommate. It’s the middle of the night. Come back to go to sleep?”

  She shook her head. “Just looking for something I’ve lost. I would have pinned you for Chance, Giovanna. I’d always heard Banyan was really outgoing.”

  “I am.” He was clearly not going to let himself be spoken about in the third person while he was present. I didn’t blame him. That was just… weird. The longer she dated R.J., the stranger she got. “But you know what they say about opposites attracting?”

  Molly gasped. “So you’re officially dating then?”

  “I…”

  Banyan nodded. “Did you need something?”

  “Oh, no.” She turned away. “I guess it’s not here. I lost something. I’m going to R.J’s. Have a good night you two.”

  With those words, she left us alone, closing the door behind her. Banyan rubbed his eyes. “Does she often come home at three in the morning and just…?” His voice trailed off. “Never mind. I don’t want to know. If she’s dating and staying with R.J. then she needs help. That’s all there is to it.”

  I rolled back on my side. “I’d have to be an idiot to not know what you guys are saying without really saying all the time. He hurts her? Physically?”

  “He hurt his last girlfriend. Do you remember a woman named Susie Wayne?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know anyone.”

  “That’s not entirely true. You know me. You know Molly the creeper. That’s what I’m going to call her now. Molly the creeper.”

  “Banyan,” I lifted my head, “do you think she’s in trouble?”

  “Well, she’s not sporting a black eye like Susie did. So, whatever trouble she’s in, he’s being quieter about it. That doesn’t mean she’s not.” He kissed my cheek. “It’s three in the morning. Do you want to get in the car? We could be in New York for breakfast?”

  As much as the idea appealed to me on all levels there was no possible way. “It’s the second day of school. I think if we miss, we get kicked out of the classes.”

  “Damn.” He mock snapped his fingers. “I was craving some pancakes.”

  I knew how to distract him. I ran my hand over his pants where his cock was located. He sucked in a breath. “Changing your mind about doing this during your time of the month?”

  I shook my head. “This isn’t about me. This is about you.”

  He squirmed. “Baby, you know I’m all about your pleasure.”

  “Well,” I scooted down until I was on the edge of my bed, “maybe I can be all about your pleasure today. Maybe it will make me hot and bothered for the next week to think about you being pleasured.”

  He leaned back on his elbows. “Will it?”

  “I guess we’ll have to find out.” I pulled his pants down to find his boxers tented. Yep, he liked this idea. That was for sure. I cupped him, feeling the warmth of his hardening length even through the soft cotton material.

  Banyan flared his nostrils. “Giovanna, as I’m sure you’re aware, I sometimes have a hard time feeling vulnerable.”

  Hence the reason he liked to give even more than he wanted to receive. “I can respect your boundaries. You always respect mine. I’ll stop, but I think you know you can trust me.”

  He lifted his eyebrows. “I do. So much. Yes, please, put your hands and whatever parts of you that you want on me. Please do.”

  This was big for us. I got up, a thought dawning on me, and locked the door. We’d at least hear if Molly tried to come back in. Banyan nodded at me. “We used to put socks on the door when I was a freshman.”

  I almost asked him who had more socks on the door, him or Maven, and then decided I really didn’t want to know. I was going to love him with my mouth and that was the only thing I wanted to think about right then.

  I took off his underwear and just admired him for a second. He seemed to grow under my gaze. I smiled at him. He ran a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to.”

  “I want to.”

  He nodded once to me, and I repositioned myself so I could start by licking his balls. He must not have expected that. But I wanted to really caress him. If I was going to do this, then I was going to do it right.

  Banyan tasted salty and all male. I played with his balls while I sucked on them, and he moaned, loudly. I closed my eyes, intending to enjoy this for a good long time. This was heaven. It was just Banyan and me in the world.

  I didn’t know how much time passed but he was panting by the time I moved on to actually suck on his cock. Banyan was hard. Beautifully so. The male body didn’t get enough credit for how truly gorgeous it was.

  I deep throated him all at once, and he buckled beneath me, fucking my mouth for just a second. I loved it, and I moaned to tell him how much I liked it.

  “Okay? That’s okay?” He panted, and I went deeper again. He took over, fucking the back of my throat so hard I could hardly believe it before he would pull out. Yes, this was so hot. I loved every second of it. Banyan had lost control, and it was because I brought him so much pleasure. This was all that I wanted.

  He made a sound in his throat that I recognized. It was the noise Banyan made right before he found his pleasure. I loved that I knew that about him. It was private. For now, it just belonged to us.

  He sighed, a stream of liquid going down my throat, and I swallowed every drop. For the middle of the night, this was heaven.

  Banyan pulled me against him, kissing me everywhere he could reach, murmuring sweet words. I curled next to him, feeling like a cat that had been given cream for the first time. Somehow, this was more connecting than anything we’d done before.

  “Giovanna,” he said my name like a sigh. “How are you this person?”

  I didn’t know how to answer that, so I stayed quiet. How were any of us who we were?

  Banyan slept deeply. And safe next to him, so did I. Until the dream hit him. I should have known it was coming. Whenever he was really exhausted, or spent, he had nightmares. I opened my eyes to hear the familiar mutterings that came with his nightmares. Maven said Banyan had them as long as he’d known him and Banyan couldn’t really explain them either.

  They weren’t the same every time and they didn’t happen every night. They were more like monsters. Sometimes it seemed like situations when he couldn’t protect someone, or he couldn’t get away. Maven usually threw a pillow at him and rolled over to go back to sleep, but I would never do that.

  I stroked my hand over his chest, felt his heart beating beneath my fingertips. “You’re okay. Move on to the next dream. Leave this one where dreams go to die.”

  He sighed, squirming slightly. That was good. I kissed his side.

  “You’re okay.”

  Banyan settled down. I stared at my clock. It was only five. I hadn’t had much sleep, but I wasn’t going to be getting any more. There were only so many times during the night I could have my sleep interrupted and actually return to bed without feeling sick.

  I scooted off my bed and went to the window. The sun was rising over the horizon. I forgot how much I loved to watch that happen. There was promise to a new day. Anything could happen, good things, bad things, or maybe nothing much at all. Still, it was right there, like I could lift my hand and grasp the possibility. I stared down at my math notebook and that enthusiasm disappeared quickly.

  For the next semester, there was going to be a lot of ugh to every day. I shuddered. This was what had made high school miserable and the years before, homeschooling with my mother, almost unbearable.

  But there were English classes to take, too. And I loved those. I just had to keep my eye on the ball. My phone beeped, and I picked it up. It was Maven.

  Hope you have this off. Just have to vent and you can get it when you wake up. Big bunch of nothing. They don’t want us to help. Guess they prefer things to just keep burning.


  I grimaced. Yes, Banyan had read this correctly. Maven had a terrible night that resulted in nothing. I looked at Banyan’s sleeping form. He hadn’t heard either my phone or his beep. I reached over and turned down his volume.

  That sucks. I’m so sorry.

  There was pause. I’m an ass. Did I wake you?

  No. He couldn’t see me shake my head, but I did it anyway. I was up. Can’t sleep.

  Why? I loved texting, but I often wished I could hear his voice. I looked up at Banyan. As much as they shared everything, I wasn’t going to tell him that Banyan’s nightmare had been the end of it or about what happened with Molly. That was too weird.

  Well, you’ve both woken me up. Chance texted, and I covered my mouth to stop my sigh. Whoops. It hadn’t just been Banyan and me in this exchange with Maven. I was such an oddity for my generation. I was really a very bad texter. It looked like Maven was, too.

  Chance continued. Why can’t you sleep? I know why you can’t, Maven. I can hear you silently raging down the hall. Scared, Vonni? Where is Banyan?

  He’s sleeping right next to me on the bed. I just can’t. Hard to explain. Are you okay, Chance?

  He answered. I had to settle the pledges down, but they’re all out cold in the main room. I thought I’d send them home, but they preferred to stay here. So I was conked out on the couch. Now I’m in the kitchen. Why am I sharing that?

  Maven hadn’t answered. Had he gone to sleep? I think we may have lost Maven.

  He just walked out the door. Bet he’s on his way to you. Fuck. I want to come to you. I have to stay with the pledges.

  Was he coming here? I glanced at Banyan. He was still out cold. I hated to wake him. My heart rate increased. Excitement lit me up inside. It was always better when we were all together. I typed back to Chance. I miss you.

  Come see me later.

  I would.

  Sure enough, five minutes later Maven knocked on the door. I swung it open quietly and put my finger to my mouth before I indicated Banyan asleep. He nodded and walked past me. “Pillow?”