Past Be Damned Read online

  Still, if I were going to eavesdrop, I’d prefer Brooke didn’t know. We all gossiped, but it wasn’t one of our finer qualities. If Anne or Daniella wanted me to be a part of the conversation, they would have sent for me. Then again, five new arrivals in addition to the two Sisters in seclusion meant more work for the rest of us. Better to assess what was needed now.

  At least that was what I told myself. Anne was our Sister Superior, but she preferred her given name. I couldn’t let myself ever forget that despite her easy manner, she was very, very important.

  The house was huge. Large enough that I shared my wing only with a handful of staff. The Sisters had their family chambers in other wings. It had been empty since the school that once occupied the premises had been destroyed. The people, not the structure. The entire student body and teaching staff had been possessed. They were all gone.

  We were using it now for the new Sisterhood in the Deadlands. The wind blew outside so strongly I could have sworn it was in the room with me. It reminded me of when I was a child and...

  And...

  My mind seemed to stutter, like I couldn’t quite pull up the memory of what happened at home when I was a child. Maybe I’d blocked it out, the same way I had what occurred with my family. I knew the broad strokes of my past, not the small details. At thirty-one years old, I was already suffering from senility. In this world where so few of us lived to be old, my problems were small not worth complaining about.

  I finally reached the closed door to Anne’s sitting room. Brooke hadn’t exaggerated. The people inside were yelling.

  “Let me be clear, if you don’t give her back her memories, I will tell her all about them.” A male voice—strong, determined, angry—bellowed from behind the closed doors.

  “And let me be clear back, as I have been trying to do for the past ten minutes. Her decision to remove her memories was not made flippantly. She suffered tremendously. For five years.” Sister Daniella’s high pitched but confident response held authority. I really didn’t want to get caught out here. Yet, I had no intention of leaving. This was fascinating. Who were they talking about?

  Another male voice, lower than the first one, responded. “We’re more than aware of how much time passed. If we had even the slightest inkling she was still alive, we’d never have stopped searching. She needs to know we’re here.”

  “She isn’t the same girl,” Anne answered, her softer voice holding a note of command. The hairs along my body stood. The Sister Superior was so calm and kind that when she used that tone, even I had to listen. “You need to get to know who she is now. See if you have any connection. I’m not going to undo a painful decision based on you arriving at my gate in the middle of the night and demanding it be so. When she asked us to allow her to forget—her years in chains, abuse by demons, and the raw emptiness from your loss—she did not ask us to undo should you suddenly resurrect. It was her decision, one made not lightly.”

  Silence expanded from the room. A different man spoke, “We didn’t abandon her.” The profound loss in his voice rent at me. I was intruding.

  A third man spoke. “Perhaps we’ve gotten off to the wrong start...”

  I’d heard enough. This was Sisterhood stuff. Magic. Decisions. I needed to return to my room where I had my sewing, my books, and my lists. It was safe there.

  I fled as though a demon chased me. When I got to my room, I shut the door quietly and hid under my covers like they could protect me from the wind outside and whatever was going on in that room. This was what I deserved. I should never have listened in on things that were absolutely not my business. Things were hard enough with what Sister Daniella called ‘cursed winds’ coming. Nothing was normal… but then again this was the end of days and I lived in a mystic Sisterhood with magic around all the time. Who knew what morning would bring?

  The next morning, I woke to the sun chasing away the vicious storms. Oh, how I had missed the warmth of light. The lawn in the front of the mansion was a wreck. Rocks I’d moved to very specific, meticulous places were askew, hedges—hard to get to grow in the Deadlands—had fallen over. The soil wasn’t infertile, but it was compacted and hard to dig in. Rain like we’d had the night before drained too freely. We had to break rake it regularly to aerate it and break it up.

  Thankfully, no one had rousted me to prepare rooms for the five loud guests. Perhaps they’d left. I would take on the lawn before something else got in my way. I dressed for outdoor activity. The sun was out, but it wouldn’t be warm. We’d likely end up with a dust storm. They frequently came after the rain.

  It was still early, and I didn’t encounter anyone on my path to the kitchen. I made a quick breakfast for myself. There was a chef. She’d shown up one day at the gate, and Anne hired her. That was what Sister Superior did. She found adult orphans like myself, then gave us a home and a purpose.

  My eggs weren’t as good as Tabitha’s. She’d gone to see her sister for a few days, which meant that everyone would have to fend for themselves for a bit. I ate quickly, before I headed out to take care of the garden. I wasn’t going to get the hedges upright unless I used the rope we had in the shed. It took me two minutes to retrieve it, and then I was hard at work.

  The days moved faster when I had something to do. I wrapped the rope around the hedge, secured it, then hauled it upright. I needed something—a wooden beam, maybe—to place next to until I could fathom something more efficient to ensure every storm didn’t destroy the lawn.

  The Sisterhood needed to appear friendly and well kept. If people needed help, they should feel comfortable coming here. That was the image I fought to maintain; one I hoped we would eventually get to. I couldn’t fix the huge structures. I’d do what I could manage.

  I placed the rope around the next hedge and had pulled it upright when a man’s shout caught my attention. It sounded like ‘hey,’ but I wasn’t sure. A moment later, a very tall, blond man with a black eye patch huffed to a stop before me.

  “Don’t do that. You’ll hurt yourself.” His visible eye was huge as he stared at me. “And hello. You are so pretty. I almost can’t believe it.”

  “I...” Okay, he’d certainly spit out a lot right there, this strange man with the hidden eye. “Thank you for the compliment. I don’t think about what I look like. There’s so much more to consider in this world, don’t you think?” I secured the hedge then dusted off my palms before extending my hand. We needed to quickly establish some rules for polite discourse. “I’m Teagan. And you are?”

  He stared at my hand like I’d offered him a snake. He finally grasped my hand in his much bigger one. “Apologies. I’m Thaddeus, Sister.”

  Something about his voice was familiar—had he been one of those shouting at Sister Anne? Had the five not left then? Shaking my head, I addressed his misstatement. “I’m not a Sister. Just living here through their good graces. I run the manor, sort of. I’m just Teagan. Can I help you with something?”

  He paled beneath his flush. I hoped he wasn’t sick. Finally, he said. “I think it’s more likely I can help you. You shouldn’t be handling all the manual labor by yourself. You’ll get hurt.”

  I laughed. “I’m super strong. You’d think I had been doing this a long time or spent my life moving heavy objects. I’m very capable at this sort of thing. But if you want to go into that shed and get me some wooden boards so I can brace the hedges, I wouldn’t say no to the help.”

  He took a second then turned toward the shed. I took a deep breath. Wow, that man was seriously hot. I fanned myself quickly with my glove. My body buzzed like I’d been struck with lightning. I forced myself to breathe through my nose. Wow. He was handsome, but so were a lot of the men around here. Anne and Daniella hadn’t married slouches. This guy—Thaddeus—was dangerous to my senses.

  With two boards in hand, Thaddeus returned to my side. He set them down. “So, Teagan, you know how to do this stuff?”

  He seemed kind of preoccupied with this project. “Should I not k
now how?”

  “It’s surprising. I guess it shouldn’t be. Ah, what’s next?”

  I shook my head. “You can’t be here for the sole purpose of gardening. What brings you to the Sisterhood? Are you here for one of the new arrivals?”

  “I came because I had to, every part of my soul drove me here. I couldn’t arrive fast enough.”

  His words moved through me, like I’d heard them before. Every part of his soul... I gritted my teeth against the memory. I needed to garden. It wasn’t going to get done by standing around. “Well, whatever compelled you, I’m sure you need to get to it.”

  He didn’t move. “What’s next?”

  Or he could stay right there and help me. “You could...”

  I was interrupted by another shout of ‘hey.’ This was turning out to be a bizarre morning. Another man charged toward us. His eyes were glued on me, and I instinctively took two steps backward. My heart rate increased. A man charging was a man prepared to attack… Where did that come from? I’d seen Sister Anne and Sister Daniella’s men spar, but they’d never charged at me.

  Fear welled within me. If he didn’t stop, he would take me down and that would hurt. Raising my hands, I fell back another step. He stopped abruptly a short distance away.

  “I...” He stared at me then rocked back on his feet. “I’m not going to hurt you, Sister.”

  “Not a Sister,” I managed to squeak. My knees threatened to give out, so while I still could control them, I sunk to the ground. I was going to be okay. These strangers were not going to hurt me. Anne would never have let them into her home if they were dangerous to me. I had to count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

  Thaddeus sank to his knees before me. “This is Aidan. He’s my friend. I’m sorry he scared you. Are you okay?” His one visible eye held kindness in its depths. He held out his hand to Aidan. “Come here, brother.”

  The counting wasn’t easing the race of my heart. I was just going to have to wait the panic out. “Are you brothers?”

  “Blood brothers. We went through battles and pain.” Thaddeus answered as Aidan resumed his approach, slower this time.

  I shook my head. “Sorry about this. I’ll be fine. You two should go on your way. I’m sure whoever you are here to see is waiting for you.”

  Aidan squatted next to Thaddeus. “You’re real, and you’re terrified of me.”

  I glanced between the two of them. Thaddeus was tall, strong but lean. His light coloring contrasted with Aidan’s dark locks and darker blue eyes. They were both beautiful. They both stared at me as though I was supposed to share their understanding. “You know what? I think I need to go inside for a bit. I’ll finish this later.”

  “Don’t stand up too fast; you’re breathing shallow. I don’t want you to faint.” Aidan touched my arm.

  I jerked away from the contact then landed on the damp earth. Thaddeus and Aidan each took one of my arms and hauled me to my feet.

  “Are you okay?” Thaddeus demanded followed by Aidan’s “Did you hurt yourself?”

  I put my hands out in front of me. “No. I mean, yes.” Pulling away from their grips, I retreated. They were too close. Closing in on me, and… I couldn’t breathe. “I don’t like to be touched. Okay? It’s just a thing with me.”

  I didn’t know who these men were or what they wanted, but I needed to get away from them.

  “Teagan, are you okay?” Anne called down to me from an open upstairs window. I stopped abruptly and stared up at her.

  “We didn’t break any rules. None,” Thaddeus bellowed before I could speak.

  There was a slight pause before Anne spoke again. “Did I say that you did?”

  “I’m fine.” After all, Anne had asked me the question, not the two strangers.

  And I would be fine, as soon as I escaped the claustrophobic sensation of these men closing in around me. They hadn’t done anything wrong. I had done nothing wrong. Yet I still ran, dodging to avoid running into yet another stranger.

  He caught my arm, as though steadying me or maybe trying to keep me from returning to the manor. Why had all of these men stayed? And why did they keep touching me?

  “Teagan.”

  The newcomer, whoever he was, had brown hair that was stick straight and fell to his shoulders. His eyes were gray, and inquisitive. The whiskers on his jaw gave him a more roguish appearance. I shook off his grip and circled him so I could be closer to my escape route.

  “How do you know my name?”

  “I…” He stared down at the ground. “I’ve already screwed this up. I know it because I know it. Do you know mine?”

  “Of course not.” Pain flickered across his expression. It was swift, yet I was aware of it even after he went expressionless. They were mad—all of them. Near the hedges, Thaddeus and Aidan stared at us. There was a hunger in their expressions, a hunger they had no right to aim in my direction. “You’re a stranger—you’re all strangers. Today this place has become a madhouse.”

  They were Anne’s guests… guests of the Sisterhood, and I would accord them that much civility. But I didn’t have to endure whatever it was they wanted. Wiping my palms against my trousers, I took another step. Did I know his name? Of course, I didn’t. Why would I know any of them?

  A headache began to throb behind my eyes. All I’d wanted was some time in the sun. I had much to do, but I couldn’t stay.

  “Excuse me,” I muttered, and resumed my path for the house. I didn’t run, though every fiber of me wanted to flee. The steady pace might convince my heart I wasn’t in danger, but once I made it to the stairs, I gave into the desire and raced back to my room.

  Once inside, I shut the door all the way and leaned against the heavy wood.

  Did I know his name? No. I didn’t. Did I? Should I? Why had he been so sad that I didn’t? How did I know he had been? Why had Aidan charged toward me? What did he want? And why did Thaddeus find it so odd I knew how to garden?

  What was going on?

  Could it be gone tomorrow? Could they be gone?

  2

  I hid in my room for a couple hours. Long enough to ease the panic and the headache, and for guilt to nudge me back to my duties. When a sound from outside caught my attention, I paused to glanced out the window. Mid-morning was traditionally when Daniella’s and Anne’s men sparred. I couldn’t imagine what that would be like—actually slaying demons. It was Daniella and Anne who rid the world of the demons, and their guards—now their husbands—fought away anything trying to get at the Sisters while they performed their magic.

  They were amazingly strong. I was always in awe.

  Four newcomers joined the two groups. Thaddeus, Aidan, the third man who knew my name, and one other I hadn’t seen before. They sparred with each other and with Daniella’s and Anne’s guards. It was a thing of beauty. For a second, I just watched, and then I started cataloging some things. Thaddeus moved very similarly to the way Anne’s Bryant did. They darted, stuck, and dashed in similar fashions. Had they learned it together? Thaddeus got a hit on Bryant who jumped forward. They both went down. I winced, my heart suddenly in my throat.

  I couldn’t keep watching. It was somehow too much of… something. They would all need to eat soon. With our cook gone, it would be up to me to assist with the new guests, particularly after my rudeness earlier. I took the stairs back to the kitchen and abruptly stopped. There was a man in the kitchen, and he was... cooking.

  Meat, from the smell of it, and a red sauce in a pan on the stovetop.

  I’d never seen him before, but thanks to the newcomers, we had strangers everywhere.

  “Hello,” I called out to him.

  He didn’t turn for a second, and his shoulders stiffened. All I could see was the back of his head, with his dark hair neatly cut. Maybe I imagined the stiff back. Finally, he turned. He had a beautiful, long face. High cheekbones, dark eyes—almost black—and a full mouth. His skin was pale and smooth. For just a moment, I couldn’t breathe. He was lean but fit. I cou
ld see muscles outlined through the tight black shirt he wore. They matched his dark pants.

  He blinked rapidly, stopped, and then spoke. “Hello.”

  I pointed at the stove. “Cooking?”

  The stranger nodded. “I thought I could help.”

  “Thank you.” I wasn’t used to anyone currently wanting to do this. We had our absent cook, and when she’d lived here, Anne’s mother had sometimes assisted her. She’d left to go see her other children. Lately, it all fell to me to do what I could. Otherwise everyone fended for themselves. I didn’t mind that in the least. I extended my hand. “I’m Teagan.”

  He took my hand in his and squeezed my fingers for a second, gently. Warmth traveled up my spine. “I’m Eric.”

  I took my hand back. “What are you making?”

  “Well...”

  Whatever he would have said, I didn’t hear. The bells at the top of the house started to ring. That could only mean one thing... the Sisters were needed. The door to the house swung open and banged into the wall. Guards rushed inside, and the Sisters descended the stairs, fast. Anne had her baby in her arms. He was quickly passed to the nanny, who smartly appeared right on time.

  Even the two cloistered Sisters joined the growing crowd. They said something to Anne. Then after she touched their arms, Anne sent them both back to their suite. I didn’t even know their first names yet.

  “What’s going on?” Eric asked me, his gaze going from the window to back to me and then finally the door.

  “If the bells are ringing, there’s a major demon in the location. Anne and Daniella will handle it. They’re Sisters. They passed their children over to their assigned staff then ran to deal with the issue.”

  Eric set down the spoon he held. He ran a hand through his dark hair. “What do you do during these situations?”

  “Me? I stay here. I don’t belong anywhere near demons.”