Loving Them Read online

  I understood completely what Quinn meant. When I’d been living at the Sisterhood, Garrison Sandler had sent ships to destroy it, which deviated from the plan Quinn had once given him. The Sisterhood had been on Quinn’s original plan, but as a soft target. It shouldn’t have been attacked as early as it had been. Who knew why? Maybe Garrison had wanted a win since the rest of the universe wasn’t giving up as easily as he might have liked.

  Quinn’s plan hadn’t taken into account how hard people would fight to keep their homes, how far they were willing to go to keep their families safe. Things went according to his plan—just not as smoothly as he’d envisioned it when he was ten years old. He hadn’t understood the people factor of the whole thing.

  A picture of the known universe appeared in front of me on the tablet. Xs and Ys covered certain locations. I pointed at an X. “Is that where Sandler has already taken control?”

  “Correct.” His gaze was on the tablet in front of him, and as I watched his pupils seemed to dance, moving back and forth as he studied what he already had to know as well as the back of his hand. “Those targets are gone.”

  I only knew because an X covered where the Sisterhood should have been. “Some of them are gone. Some of them you can’t entirely take off the board.”

  His eyes stopped moving, and he looked at me. “How do you figure? Sandler Cartel took those spots.”

  He wasn’t wrong. “Did they kill everyone there, love?”

  I hated to ask him. Quinn blamed himself for every death, and maybe he did hold some culpability. But, it was certainly hard to determine how much, considering he had been a child when he had done this. Sandler had abused him as much as all of his other victims.

  “Not in all cases.” He took a deep breath. “They’re taken, colonized. They belong to him now.”

  “What about the people who live there? They may decide to at least attempt to take it back. Uprisings and whatnot.” Recorded history on both sides of the black hole showed humanity more than capable of that. The people didn’t always win, but sometimes they tried.

  He scrunched up his nose. “I’m not good at that part of it. I’d have to study the human populations of those areas and make assessments, statistical decisions.” He nodded several times, and I didn’t respond. Quinn was having a conversation in his own head that I couldn’t follow. He didn’t need my participation in it. “Thank you for pointing that out. I forgot. The human factor. People protect their homes.”

  “There’s that, and they protect their loved ones. If you love someone, you’re willing to die for them.” I brushed his hair out of his eyes. Genetics had really made the four of them so beautiful. It was really unfair. Why couldn’t I have gotten a touch of those eyelashes? “Like you did for me when you came to the ship I was held captive on and killed the bounty hunter.”

  Then we had crashed onto a planet, and he really had almost died. “It bothered me more, Quinn, when you almost died than when I did. That’s because I love you.”

  Quinn loved fiercely. I’d come to wonder if he really understood his own feelings or gave any thought to the why of it all. He tugged me closer to him. “When I woke up and found you almost dead, I thought that if I couldn’t fix you, that would be the end of all things. The universe could just stop spinning. I wouldn’t care. There was nothing if there wasn’t Paloma.”

  I kissed his cheek. “That’s how these people feel. They don’t want their loved ones put in harm’s way. End of story.”

  “Right.” He pointed at the screen again. “See the Ys?”

  I did. “Sure.”

  “That’s what he’s left to hit. He’s attacking Mars Station. So that is kind of an X and a Y. And Earth has to be his last target. There’s no way to take it before he has amassed enough power.”

  Earth was a strong planet for sure, but I wasn’t certain I understood his reasoning. “Why?”

  “When our ancestors nuked the planet and so many fled to find other places to live, both here and across the black hole, and then the virus made both sides of that black hole stop producing enough females for the general population, we should have been wiped out. We weren’t, and there are various theories as to why. I digress. Basically, those who stayed behind and never left Earth are really, really strong. Sure, some people have gone back to it. It’s the central hub for commerce and people have returned to the blue planet from elsewhere. The point is, the population there? They have more military strength than anyone. And their will to survive is beyond what anyone can imagine. Those are the descendants of people who stayed and fixed a broken planet. My father’s going to need to really have it all together to beat them.”

  The ship jerked, and it took me out of my fascination of listening to every word Quinn said. “Ah, wow. I see. Um.”

  Quinn kissed my temple. “We’re safe. Keith doesn’t usually blow things up.”

  I digested what he said. “Usually? He’s blown up things before?”

  “Maybe the less said on that the better.” He pointed at the Ys. “I can’t decide which one he’s going for next. Every time I think I do, I talk myself out of it. I’m not beating myself anymore; he’s too off plan. I know I’m beating him. Still, I can’t decide whom, what, or where. What do you think?”

  “Quinn.” I took a deep breath. “I’ve never met your father. I saw him through a viewscreen on that bounty hunter’s ship. Other than that, I’ve seen news reports. I have no idea how he thinks.”

  He shook his head. “You understand people. Can you try? I’d like to hear what you think.”

  “All right.” I stared at the universe in front of me. There was the Earth Zone, which was the place where I’d been brought up: Mars Station, Mars itself, Venus Colony, hundreds of smaller space areas—all of them were dependent on Earth for trade and survival. If Garrison continued to follow Quinn’s plan at least that far, then he wasn’t touching Earth. Even the Sisterhood, which Garrison had blown up, was on the edge of Earth space. Then there were Sandler Cartel’s holdings. He wasn’t going to attack his own planets. He already had them. The Sandler Cartel had taken them so long ago I didn’t remember when it didn’t belong to them. Tommy leaving the fold was the first time the oldest male had …

  The thought dawned on me hard. I sat up, and Quinn followed, staring at me so intensely I could feel his gaze on my cheek. “Did your father have brothers? Or sisters? Any siblings?”

  “There were eight of them. All boys.” Quinn tugged gently on the ends of my hair. “Why?”

  “You talk to your brothers. You all know each other.” They had sisters, too, but my impression was they’d never met them as they all had different mothers. “Where are his brothers?”

  “Two of them are dead—Uncle Colby and Uncle Quinn. I’m named for that one. He was the one right behind Dad in age. They were close. When Quinn died, it changed Dad. I don’t know how Colby died. The other five are spread out all over the universe. Mostly in the dark planets. Dad banned them. I think one of them might be on a mining ship somewhere near Avalon Three. Another one is a pirate, that’s the rumor anyway.”

  I grabbed his arm. “We need a new perspective on your father. You guys only know him as Dad. The man who abused you all in different ways.” Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. “We need to know him as Garrison. Who was he? What does he want and why does he want it? How long has he had this need to conquer? Then, maybe, we can make some guesses on what he’ll do.”

  Quinn’s tablet beeped, and Clay’s voice came over. “Quinn, can you bring Paloma here, please? I need her to talk Tommy out of what he’s about to do.”

  “Sure.” Quinn tapped his tablet to turn it off. “Paloma, you are so brilliant, my love. I never would have thought to even consider his siblings. You’re right. Tommy left the fold to save us. No one knows us better than our family.”

  The tablet beeped. “Now, Quinn.” Clay did not sound happy.

  “On our way.”

  I was glad to be of help. But what in the
universe did Tommy want to do?

  2

  His Ship, Damn It

  Tommy was agitated. He shifted in his seat, his eyes hard on the screen in front of him. I hadn’t been out of the room that long, so I couldn’t imagine what could have set him off so completely in such a short period of time.

  I cleared my throat, but he didn’t turn to look at me. Keith and Clay did, however. It was Clay who finally spoke. “Tommy wants to blow up The Rochambeau.”

  “I…” Truthfully, I had no idea what the hell they were talking about. “What’s a Rochambeau?”

  My oldest fiancé turned to look at me. “My ship.”

  I pointed at the ceiling because it seemed as good a place as anywhere else. “Is that the name of this ship? You want to blow it up?”

  “No.” Tommy pounded on the console before he stood. “My ship. My original ship. The first one I ever built. made specifically for me when I led my father’s battalion. When I was General Sandler. That was my ship, and now my cousin is piloting it. I want it gone. My ship is out there leading the fleet of smaller ships. They’re all right there, lined up to start moving to Mars Station on command.”

  Sometimes it was better to say nothing at all. Or at least to pause. I had learned this at the Sisterhood. So, I waited. The room was so quiet I could hear every buzz the machines around us made. Finally, he spoke again. “I don’t want to go back to that life. I don’t want to be General Sandler. I don’t want people to run when they see me coming.” He still hadn’t looked at any of us. “I would leave again exactly the same way. I like to think…” His voice trailed off.

  The time I touched his arm. I wanted to hear whatever he was going to say. “You like to think…?”

  He squeezed my hand without moving any part of his body except his own hand. We were linked when he finally spoke again. Sometimes that was all people needed, the touch of another person to tell them they weren’t alone in the world. “I like to think I wasn’t as damaged as I probably was. I was pretty evil and getting worse.”

  “You weren’t.” Keith leaned back in his chair. “You’re remembering yourself wrong.”

  “You weren’t on Rochambeau with me. You don’t know what I did. What decisions General Sandler made. Do you suppose there is room for redemption? Somewhere in the universe? Room for I’m sorry?”

  I pressed my forehead to his back. Tommy and Quinn. Two sides of the same coin. They’d never see it that way because they railed against fate in two different ways. Still… it was there. “That’s what I was doing at the Sisterhood. I was being redeemed.”

  Tommy snorted. “Fuck that. You didn’t do anything you had to be redeemed from. I don’t know, honey. Maybe I want to blow it up because I want to erase it from the universe.”

  “Or maybe it’s nothing so dramatic.” Keith spun in his chair. “It’s your ship. You always hated Cousin Holden. He’s an idiot. And he has your favorite toy.” He pointed at the screen. “Kablooey. I’d be all for it. I’m not really concerned with who is good and who is not good. We’re all just people. This place in time is hard. It’s a rough, difficult, no-good-choices-in-existence time. You were a soldier on the wrong side, and none of us knew that. And that’s how it goes. Who is around to judge any of us? I don’t want you to blow it up and neither does Clay because then we’re going to lose our subterfuge. You blow up the biggest ship in their fleet, and they’re going to find us. I can only move us out of phase so far before they see us. Blow them up and they’re going to get a good look.”

  Clay laughed. “I say we need to get to Mars Station. Blow up Rochambeau later.” He shrugged. “Or don’t.”

  Quinn walked forward and pressed a button on the console. The other three jumped at him, and though I wasn’t sure what was going on, I instinctually I darted backwards out of their way. What was happening?

  “Hey?” I called out a second before Quinn successfully pushed whatever button he’d aimed for. Bright light illuminated the viewscreen for a second.

  Tommy seemed to collapse a bit, gripping the back of his chair. Keith shook his head but didn’t look away, and Clay stood up straighter.

  “Someone want to tell me what’s going on?” I needed a response from one of them.

  Quinn shrugged. “Made statistical sense to blow them up. They’d have blown us up. Cousin Holden was an idiot but smart enough to push his own button. Hurry us through, Keith. Don’t give them time to respond. You don’t have to be good or bad, Tommy. I’ll be the worst of all of us, always. That’s my job.”

  He scooted around me and out of the room.

  “Did he—”

  I never got to finish my question; Keith must have known what I wanted to ask. “He blew up the Rochambeau. I’m going to have to move us very fast. Go strap in.”

  Tommy still hadn’t looked up. If he didn’t need to buckle himself in, I’d be fine, too. Clay exited without a word. I guessed he was going to go speak to Quinn, but I couldn’t be sure. Right then, it was the oldest brother who held my attention.

  “Are you okay?”

  He nodded before he made eye contact with me. “My younger brother just blew up our cousin without a second thought. That’s fine. I mean, it isn’t but it is. Everyone else on that ship is dead, too. They’d have killed us. That’s war.” He looked up. “And there’s no room for sentiment in my life. I know that. I just temporarily forgot.”

  The ship jerked forward, and Tommy grabbed me, hauling me against him. “I’ll never let you fall, Paloma.”

  Hours later I still didn’t know exactly how to make sense of what had happened. Keith had moved us around the explosion before any of other ships noticed. We’d likely get to Mars Station with no more issues as long as we continued to phase out of sight, as Keith described it. I sat in my bed and tried to go over the scene quietly.

  Tommy’d had an emotional crisis. Clay had wanted me to talk him out of blowing up his ship. I probably would have. I knew there would be a body count before the end of this mess, if this mess ever ended. But I would have encouraged them to try to find another way. I wasn’t made for war, even if I really didn’t have a choice one way or another.

  Quinn had taken the choice from Tommy. He’d walked up and pressed a button and, with his DNA authorizing the command, blown up the ship with his cousin on it. And who was this Cousin Holden? I’d thought that Garrison had banned all family from Sandler space.

  Quinn had done it without blinking. His brothers had seen it happening, but they’d been too late, and I hadn’t known he would do it at all. Tommy had hardly shown any emotional reaction. Surely he must have had some kind of strong reaction to his brother usurping his decision-making ability and blowing up The Rochambeau. He’d hardly uttered a word before he’d returned to helping Keith get them through the mess of the explosion.

  I rubbed my face. I loved these four guys completely. It even felt like the universe—and hell, even thinking that word made me shudder for memories of the ways the Sisters had used it to justify anything and everything they did—had picked them out for me. The guys were brilliant and very intense. We were still new to each other. I didn’t know how to negotiate my way through all of the ways they interacted yet.

  I knew how hard Quinn loved us all. Tommy’s feelings were no less strong. Keith and Clay were the same as well. They’d all do anything for each other. I knew that. But dread had settled in my stomach. Why had Quinn been so cold when he’d hit that button and afterwards? Why had Tommy been so silent in his response?

  What was going to happen next?

  “Paloma.” Keith poked his head into my room. “Need you in the control room. Mars Station is signaling us. You’re probably the best one to answer.”

  He was right. I nodded as I got off the bed and approached him. He grabbed my arm when I would have passed by. Looking up at him, I could see his kind eyes held a worried gaze. “Are you okay?”

  “Are you?”

  He exhaled on a long sigh. “I know that what happened before m
ust seem... off. I can talk about it with you. Not now. But later, if you want.”

  “Sounds good.” I needed someone to explain to me the dynamics of what was about to become my family, although more pressing was getting us to Mars Station safely so I could step off this shuttle and actually think about things somewhere that wasn’t completely theirs.

  I knew that sounded insane or maybe plain ungrateful. They were the men I loved. But I needed some space—of the distance kind, not the travelling-through-in-a-ship variety—and I needed it now.

  Too much had happened in too little a time.

  Keith walked next to me as I made the short distance to the control room. “Are you having a panic attack?”

  I’d thought I was doing a good job of hiding it. “Yes.”

  “That’s what I thought.” He stopped my walking with a gentle tug, and soon I was between his body and the wall. I should have felt stifled, but instead the closeness stopped my racing heart. “I know this is a lot to take and Quinn just showed the worst side of himself like it was no big deal at all. Tommy isn’t coping all that well, and as per our usual roles, I’m monitoring Quinn while Clay pretends the whole thing didn’t happen. Please don’t get scared of us, my love. You make us better. You really do. This is a low. We’ll pull it together.”

  I breathed in the clean scent of Keith’s soap and let his words move over me. When I could think, I touched his chin gently. “You guys are nothing if not scary intense. You don’t have to pull anything together. We all are who we are, right? It’s been a long few days. Maybe what we need is sleep.”

  He kissed my cheek lightly. “Maybe what we need is to get married. There are things I want to do with you, Paloma. Things I dream about in the middle of the night that wake me up hard, wanting, and desperate for your body against mine. I swear that making love to me will be a great way to handle… tension.”

  “I…” This close to Keith, I’d promise him anything. Heat travelled through my body. “I need to respond to Mars Station.”