Lost Star Page 12

  He stroked his finger down my nose. “This from the woman who lived in the temple?”

  “Maybe because I did.” I shook my head. I was very dour right then. I didn’t even know why. Disgruntled. It wasn’t like I didn’t ask the universe for things. I did. I complained in my head all the time, but it wasn’t like the things I asked for or thought about came true. Not in a way that made sense.

  He leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips. I caught my breath. I hadn’t seen that coming. It wasn’t like Kellan, who had asked me. Anders had just done it. His lips were soft against mine. He didn’t push, didn’t look for more. I kissed him back, but he quickly pulled away.

  “Goodnight, Sienna. Maybe in the morning, the universe won’t seem too bleak to you. Maybe tomorrow, we’ll both see something beautiful. I know I’m looking at something now that takes my breath away.”

  I caught my breath. “Goodnight, Anders.” I didn’t have his pretty words to draw on. I was still too stunned from the kiss to think at all. “I…I hope you sleep well.”

  He put his arm over my waist. “Close your eyes. You’re actually tired. I can hear it. If you try to rest, you will.”

  I’d never really know if I did because he told me I could, or if I really was tired.

  I woke up with Wade thrashing next to me. I rolled over, staring at him. He was having a nightmare, saying something I couldn’t understand, but it was clear it was terrible. His head moved back and forth on the pillow.

  Anders lifted his head. “It’s a bad one. Has them a lot.”

  I rolled toward Wade, putting my hand on his arm. “It’s okay, Wade. Just a dream. Or a bad memory, but it can’t hurt you now.”

  He didn’t stop. Wade didn’t sleep much, but apparently when he did, he slept deeply.

  I took a deep breath. Waking up from sleep made this hard, but he needed me right then, and I didn’t mind being there for him, not even a little bit. Wade. I sent the thought to his mind. Just a bad dream.

  “Sienna.” He tugged me close without opening his eyes, but his thrashing stopped, his breathing steadied.

  I took a long breath. He was okay. I’d also managed to keep my internal shields up. Half-asleep, I could have lost them and felt his whole nightmare with him. Maybe I was stronger than I used to be. Or just lucky.

  “Did you talk in his head?” Anders rolled closer to me, adjusting his body so he was pressed up on the side Wade wasn’t. “How can you do that with him and not with me?”

  I sighed. “I did. We’ve spent more time together. It’s some sort of connection I can form based on time alone. It’s not as though I like one person more than another. My brain forms connections. Can’t explain it.”

  He kissed the back of my neck. “Then we’ll just have to spend more time together. I want you in my head, Sienna.”

  That was funny. I didn’t even want to be in my own. They so didn’t want me running around in theirs. I was pretty much the definition of a mess right now.

  Wade woke up before I did. I had no idea if Anders had gotten up before him, but when I opened my eyes, they were talking to each other. The dark circles under Wade’s eyes weren’t visible. He’d actually slept well.

  His smile at me could have warmed the room if it were cold. “I understand I have you to thank for my not waking up in a panic last night.” He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. Butterflies traveled through my stomach. “Thank you.”

  “Does that happen to you every night?”

  He rubbed his eyes. “Only on the ones that I sleep. I didn’t mean to conk out here. Sorry.”

  I shook my head. “I liked having you guys. Think I might be getting used to having company in my bed.”

  I blinked. That sounded quite different than I’d meant it. Wade winked at me. “We might have to make a schedule. Kellan’s going to want in.” Wade grabbed his tablet and looked down on it. We hadn’t heard it, so everything must be okay with Kellan. “Maybe Trenton will.”

  Anders shook his head. “Not yet.”

  “Guys.” I swung my legs over the bed. “I’m leaving today. Or at least leaving you guys.” I looked down at my wrist. Still at one. Such a relief. I lifted my eyes and met Wade’s gaze. “It’s at one.”

  He nodded before he took my hand in his. “I know. I looked while you were still sleeping.” Wade kissed my wrist near where the device was hooked up. “Does it hurt? Irritate?”

  I shook my head. Sweet of him to ask. “No.”

  “Sienna,” Anders caught my attention. “This won’t have been the last night. Some people might take longer to…catch on to what is supposed to be…but it’ll happen.”

  I could pretend I didn’t understand him, but that would be insulting to both of us. “Anders, there is no supposed to.”

  He shook his head. “We can keep having this argument until I change your mind.”

  Wade let go of me to walk toward the door. I immediately missed his warm presence. “I’m with Sienna on this. There is no supposed to be. That doesn’t mean we can’t have what we want. We just have to make that happen. Maybe. Things tend to explode and suck around me.” Wade stopped and turned around. “Hey, look out the window, Sienna. That’s Mars Station we’re approaching. Trenton made incredible time.”

  That was just what I’d asked Blaze to do, and he’d listened. Trenton had gotten us here. I wanted to spare these guys the risk of being with me. So why did it feel like I was about to turn around to look at a nightmare?

  Anders still hadn’t moved out of my bed. “It’s not the prettiest sight you’ll ever see. Not beautiful. I don’t think Mars Station is much to look at. Not like Earth or Venus. Or The Farm. Someday, that place will have a new name. What do you think? Would you put Mars Station on your list of beautiful?”

  I forced myself to look. In the distance, seemingly floating in space, and getting slightly bigger every second that I stared at it as we approached, was a dark, spinning circular object that must be the station. It was huge. To see the whole thing, I would have needed a larger window scope. This was Mars Station. Did that mean that the planet was somewhere nearby?

  “I’m not sure what I’m looking at. It just looks cold from here. Like a piece of machinery spinning in space. I don’t know what to make of it.”

  Anders got out of bed. “It won’t seem cold on the inside, but that’s a great description from here.”

  “Are we near Mars? This is Mars Station, right?”

  He made a sound in the back of his throat a second before he put his arms around me. I steeled myself not to like it. This was all going to go away. This kindhearted soul would be a memory for me. Was it better to let myself feel how wonderful this was and remember it forever, or to not let myself feel it all? This morning had been wonderful. Yesterday had been, too, and we’d been attacked. I couldn’t have held back the warmth if I’d wanted to. Anders was watching with me, even though he must have seen this a million times. Or something like it.

  Finally, he answered me. “We’ve passed Mars. I’m sorry I didn’t think to wake you.”

  “What happens now?”

  He leaned his chin on my shoulder. “We eat breakfast.”

  That wasn’t what I meant, and I suspected he knew it. Still, his point was made. One thing at a time.

  I worried the entire time we disembarked that I was going to feel sick upon stepping foot on the station. It spun the entire time I watched it, but I didn’t feel a thing differently. Just another thing I didn’t understand about my surroundings.

  I sucked in a breath as I looked around. The landing bay had been quiet. There had been one person waiting who took a tablet from us. He hadn’t spared me a glance, but now that we were in what Blaze called the promenade, there were people everywhere. I’d never seen so many in one space.

  Shops were open, and people called to each other, called to us to come buy things, and in an eating establishment, they were actually singing inside.

  “It’s like they think the war is ove
r,” Corbin spoke to Trenton next to him.

  “Denial.” Trenton nodded. “Let them pretend. They know what happened here. This place was dead in the sky, and if Evander gets to rebuild, gets the chance to take Sienna and remake their one ship to ten, they’ll be running for their lives again.”

  My mouth fell open. “Is that a possibility?”

  “Kellan thinks it is.” Trenton winced. “Sorry to scare you.”

  No one would have known Kellan had woken up in the med machine this morning. He looked entirely put together, as though nothing happened to him at all. His leg was fully healed. “I think the capability is there for them to build a ship within a ship. We need to get into that ship and break it up from the inside.”

  “If only that wasn’t a suicide mission.” Wade shook his head. “We go do that, and we’re not getting off.”

  Blaze silently observed the scene in front of him. Finally, he spoke. “We’ll figure out what we’re doing next now. First, we should—” He cut off speaking. “And here comes Nolan. Are we getting arrested or welcomed?”

  Trenton laughed. “Hard to tell with his body language. I can’t read him. Wade?”

  Wade lifted his eyebrows. “It’s bad if you want me to tell. Um…I think we’re being welcomed. Has anyone done anything to piss him off lately?”

  A bald man wearing earrings who looked like he could lift three of me and not break a sweat stopped in front of us. He wasn’t as big as the Super Soldiers, but boy, was he close. “Gentlemen. Welcome. You didn’t blow up Artemis. I appreciate that. More than you’ll know.”

  A smile twitched on Anders’ face before it disappeared fast. I might have imagined it.

  Blaze answered him. “Nolan. I’m surprised to see you. I was going to seek you out.”

  “Heroes get personally greeted.” He eyed me and then went back to looking at Blaze. “So you guys get me.”

  Trenton shook his head fast. “Heroism would mean we got them. We haven’t.”

  “You saved the girl. I assume this is she?” Nolan smiled at me. “You must be Sienna. Everyone has been anxious to see you awake.”

  My cheeks got hot. Was there anything more unnerving than knowing all of these people had seen me when I’d been unconscious? “I hope I don’t disappoint.” I looked down at my shoes. They didn’t fit, but Corbin had cobbled them from one of his, and they had to do for now. A strong hand touched the small of my back, and I forced myself to look back at Nolan. It was Kellan touching me. I appreciated the confidence boost. Where had all of my steel resolve from so many years gone? Had it vanished with the illnesses Evander gave me? Eaten my self-consciousness as it wreaked havoc to my immune system?

  “Well, come on guys. Follow me. You have a guest wing. Seven rooms. Everyone will be at the meeting later. The whole leadership crew. Sandlers and Chens arrived a few hours ago. Diana’s been here for a week, and Waverly arrived yesterday. It’s like the old days.” He stepped forward. “You’re feeling okay?”

  Wade glared at him. “I wouldn’t have her up if she wasn’t safe.”

  I blinked. What had I just missed that Wade understood? Nolan nodded. “Just had to check.”

  “If you want to know, just ask. Let’s not play games. That’s C.J.’s bullshit.” Wade strode ahead following Nolan, who laughed before he answered him.

  “No, my brother C.J. has turned over a new leaf these days. It’s truth all the time.”

  Wade grumbled his response. “Bullshit.”

  A thought occurred to me. These men knew each other. All of them. They’d been to war together, had done things that meant they understood each other’s questions without actually having to have the question. I knew this well. I could have done that with Joy. She would have said ‘want some’ and I would have known she meant was I thirsty. This was hard. I was a stranger on this station, surrounded by people who all knew each other well.

  Homesickness struck me. It hadn’t been perfect, but it had been mine. That was something, and more than others probably had in this cold, metallic universe that spun, even if I couldn’t feel it beneath my feet.

  I tried to pay attention to my surroundings in case I needed to find my way back, but Nolan pressed so many buttons to open so many doors and eventually placed us in a lift that soared us to the sky before it let us out that I was sure I’d never find my way in any situation ever again.

  “Hey,” Corbin whispered in my ear. “It’s okay. I can hear your heartbeat. I know I’m not supposed to mention it, but I can. You’re nervous. This place is okay. As safe as anywhere. It got blown up before the onslaught of the war, but they rebuilt it even stronger.”

  I hadn’t been worried about the soundness of the station. Well, at least not before he’d said something. “Thanks.”

  Nolan motioned toward a door. “Sienna, you’re in there.”

  “Thanks.”

  Everyone waited like I was supposed to do something. I forced my back straight. “Do I just walk in? Does it just open?”

  “Oh.” Nolan shook his head. “I didn’t realize. Sorry. Yes, it’ll open for you when you walk in. No one gets on this floor except the seven of you. And you can lock it from the inside if you want to keep them out.”

  Corbin gestured toward it. “I’ll show it to you. Save me a room. Not next to Trenton. He snores.”

  “Fuck off.” Trenton laughed. “I don’t snore.”

  Corbin stepped toward my door, and it opened. I followed him in.

  “Give me a second, and I’ll label stuff for you.” He smiled. “Pretty similar to Artemis.”

  It was. The light switch was where it had been on the ship. A lot was the same. I walked around, looking at things.

  “You’ll get used to this. I don’t know how long we’ll be here.”

  I nodded. “I’m staying until someone else takes responsibility for me, I suppose. I need to find a way to earn enough to get back home. But that might be later. I can’t get anyone killed. Why had I thought this would be better? There were six of you on the ship. Thousands of people here. All of them at risk because I stepped onto their station.”

  “Sienna.” Corbin strode over to me fast, pulling me against him. “No one blames you for this. Evander wants you. Not your fault. It’s something that happened to you.”

  “That’s true.” I forced myself to breathe. “But now it’s mine to deal with. I’m a walking incubator of illness, and Evander could show up with their scary stuff and kill everyone. Somehow, even though I don’t even know how to use the switches to turn on the elevator, I have to work this out. Only I can do it. And I don’t have the slightest idea how.”

  Corbin shook his head. “You’re not alone.”

  He didn’t understand. Even in his arms, I totally was.

  11 The Devil You Know

  I showered and went about my business of getting ready, which included putting myself back into Corbin’s too-big-for-me clothes. It took less time than I hoped to perform the task, and I didn’t have a clue what I was supposed to do now. I sat down on the bed. I didn’t need another nap. If anything, I wondered if I might never sleep again. My nerves were shot. I rubbed at my eyes. What were the guys doing? Should I go and find out?

  A ding sounded on my door, and I smiled. Company would be delightful, something to distract me from the fact that I really didn’t know what was going to happen next and I had no control over any of it. Did anyone have the ability to dictate what happened in their lives?

  I pressed the button—thank you, Corbin—and opened the door. Four women stood there staring at me, and behind them, Kellan leaned against the wall, watching. He nodded at me.

  “Ah, hello.” I spoke to the new faces staring at me. “Can I help you?”

  They must not be too much of a risk, or Kellan wouldn’t have let them near my door. I didn’t think.

  “Hi.” The one all the way to the left spoke first. She was small and beautiful with dark hair and violet eyes. “You’re Sienna. Sorry, it’s different to see you awa
ke. I’ve been so excited to meet you. I took care of you for a while. Before Wade. I’m Amber.” She put out her hand. “Amber Chen.”

  I reached out, instinctually to shake. “Yes, right. Wade has told me your name. I’m Sienna. But then you know that. Um…”

  She grabbed my arm, gently but firmly. “Look at this. He did it, made some changes, but it worked. Different than what you have, Diana.” Amber stared at my device. I snapped out of my shock and ripped my arm back, rubbing the spot that she held. Was this how it was going to be now? Was I going to be some…exhibit for everyone to look at?

  I stepped back, and the woman—Amber—her mouth fell open. She spoke before I could. “I’m so sorry. That was completely rude. I’m a doctor. I came up with the initial design that Wade used, but that is no excuse. Totally and completely rude. I apologize. So sorry.”

  Somehow, the apology made it worse. “That’s okay. I…”

  “You don’t want to be grabbed out of the blue just because she had a moment of suddenly feeling giddy that her system worked,” the tallest of the group spoke. She had red hair and kind eyes. “I’m Waverly, and I’d have done the same thing you just did. We’re not making a great impression. Let’s start again. Welcome to Mars Station. I mean…I don’t live here, but I’m welcoming you just the same.”

  This was Waverly. My mouth fell open. “You’re the reason the Super Soldiers revolted against Evander.”

  Her cheeks turned red. “It was a chance…I’m glad it worked. Yes, that was me. I didn’t really do anything but leave them a message. It was nothing.”

  It certainly wasn’t nothing. She’d changed their lives so much that they were barely recognizable. “I think that you may be underestimating what you did.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t really think about it. Feels like it’s not me. Like it’s not something I really did. But that’s not why we’re here. I swear, we didn’t come for Amber to paw at you or for me to talk about myself.”